drinking problem
i think of pop
defeats my plummet
dont shoot me, cops
reach the summit
catch a comet
then i vomit
another work day
get right on it
any tit i palm it
ass like park grass
she chaste i pass
any sass get slapped
for days i last
until i blast fast
trap all rats
like japs in camps
in a cage no lamps
she dark but damp
jump off a ramp
land on my rant
wake up slap a cat
eat until i get fat
Last edited by cz; January 18th, 2014 at 01:22 AM
Since your kind of new I wanted to say Welcome to RB and our wonderful open mic section.
Your piece is very basic and really conveys nothing. You need to work on all aspects of writing from rhyming to storytelling because this isn't good and is kind of a waste of time to read but I think with work and time you can be better.
@cz
You need to leave feedback on at least 2 pieces and post the links in here for this to stay open. I'll check back later when I get home from work.
A.i
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*Click one of ^those to check out my music and shit
"don't shoot me, cops"
I kinda feel this part. Short simple, but not bad.
Very basic, I think it has potential, jus because it has some nice flow in nice parts.
Try and add more words. I'm not quiet sure what your trying to say.
Twitter- @twistedwaze
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