The Bait at The Bates Motel.

[unadored]

Comprehend...


Hell hath no furies like a woman
charring around
up let alone down,
stream bellowing from her
pitch pipe.
Damn girl! Tonight I'm on auto-pilot
and flying solo through every strip club on the east coast.


I'm dying here
perplexing,
drowning in lucid episodes.


I leave your body broke
churched between the seats of
my
egotistical menace,
I focus on the wanderlust of nun's love buns.
Hence, do not utter this
but -
I wanna carouse the wine from her lips
leaving her footprints
tattooed on my collarbone;
until the day
a moth pulls a dollar
from my wallet of consanguinity,
fouled red in her
name.


Clap if you got it,
laced poison - sewn and stitched
a-cross-ed
my palms of clover,
red-dawn sun beneath an ink sky
tempest like ambrosia
resting on the days eleventh quarters.
Led-filled ambition
convoluting the world around,
pulling my head from the sand
she snarls;
boxing glove in hand
black eyed
and posture angelic.


I'm fierce,
- a fucking heavyweight
in the right light
and
right mind.
I will yank out your teeth
just to earn a nickel and see a pretty lady,
dressed ready to fuck.


The moral of this story is
it was not her!
- you know her,
the marriage type
ring, sharp suit, sandwiches in a briefcase
and six seater car
with-out room for heroine
or leather wrapped hookers
on tap.


Well, I'm a man
and I drank the tap's dry and
still earn enough
to see a pretty lady
.
.
she
.
.
stabbed me dead and left me to drown
in motel room insence;
my mistress in hand and wearing a
smile.

[Spoken]

this was quite refining. it was content fruitfu and very well thought out such humor with a knack of insightful creativity exploited all over this piece love it.

[unadored]

cheers story.

[Spoken Deity]

I'll need to re-read this tomorrow. I can't tell if it's awesome or terrible yet, lol.

[ItoldUIwasFat]

hmmm.. ireally dunno what to think about this to be honest man..

the pome for kept going in an out with the language flow and tone...like your first couple stanzas where on point and consistent with the same tone and diction. but then here

Clap if you got it,
laced poison - sewn and stitched
a-cross-ed
my palms of clover,
red-dawn sun beneath an ink sky
tempest like ambrosia
resting on the days eleventh quarters.
Led-filled ambition
convoluting the world around,
pulling my head from the sand
she snarls;
boxing glove in hand
black eyed
and posture angelic.

this stanza feels so different from the rest of the poem and at tims when i read and re read it it felt like it didnt fit and at times it was just fine...i mean i guess thats a good thing since i have read this like 5 times lol..you tricked me.

I leave your body broke
churched between the seats

i thought that was awesome...i thought that stanza was the best one and def conveyed the best of the poem to me the reader. the only problem i got with this is that is seems to run on...but only in that stanza i quoted everything else catches on nice...also some the lines breaks seemed a little forced but maybe thats just me..either was dude good post, keep posting

[unadored]

Cheers Magnum. my writing can be a bit haywire sometimes, it's kinda new for me. Six months ago I was writing with structure and everything it's place so to speak. I took a break, started back up and this just felt right. I think I'm just going through the motions or the emotions maybe.


I'd be intrested in what you think Spoken?