First open mic

[Oranges]

a'ight, your rhymeschemes were alright, but your vocab is pretty basic. When you're doing an open mic you wanna try and bring the listener in as much as you can with clever flips and strong vocab, especially in a written. Try to make stronger multis, something with meaning, not just words that go together and rhyme. You also want to go for some cohesiveness, even if it's an abstract piece. You're young so you got a ton of time to improve, this isn't a terrible attempt, but to elevate you'll need to focus on making things a bit cleaner, picking a topic and running with it. I find sometimes it helps to find a picture and go off on it.

best piece of advice I can give you: Stay Humble.

[DreAm_sTeaLer]

^^thanks man....upp

[DreAm_sTeaLer]

uppin for one last detailed feed

[DreAm_sTeaLer]

uppinn

[theSMURF]

It was alright, the reason being it sounded more like battle lyrics. Try to be a little more realistic with what you're writing and give it some direction. Staying on the same rhyme scheme longer might sound a little better too. Some shit you said was clever but then other stuff just seemed thoughtless. A little more time and meaning into it should do the trick

[Prophet Margin]

it was ok. but more like a freestyle no solid concept. rhymes were clever but way to simple you need more vocab. overall the flow was there but the first couple lines it wasnt so it kindof started the piece off on the wrong foot. . .Dex'Labb^^^ is right whenever he makes that kindof comment so listen to his feed even though its annoying lol

[the Titan]

there ARE similarities between Eminem's verses and the way a lot of first timers rap-but I don't think that's such a problem, since everyone probably has an idea of how a rap should go and Eminem's pretty dang huge so he would be a lot of people's ideas of what 'rap' is. I do think this rap was good if a little one dimensional, but well done definitely for your first go man.

If there was anything I'd say off the top of my head for you to work on, I'd probably say more multis probably, you have a few two syllable rhymes in places which is cool (more than most starters) but the same amount can feel dull after a while if you see what i mean?

All in all though man, this was pretty good for a first rip, I'd probably hit you with a 5 or 6/10, but it definitely looks like you can acheive more. Good luck dude, keep it up!!!!!

Peace

[Prophet Margin]

ya i mean theres nothing wrong with hate verses at all but usually its not strong content. . . and 2 save weak content you need strong rhymes flow and vocab or it doesnt work. . .overall pretty good 4 a first piece keep writing. . oh but dont up so much

[DreAm_sTeaLer]

iite thankss for the feed everyoneee

[Green Machine]

it was good

[DreAm_sTeaLer]

thnks

[Shrinq]

sicksick for a first piece, keep it up!