Thug Life

[ItAintEasy]

Hello, My friend told me to post this ''rap story'' he made. He's one of those mexicans who are in a gang and do all kinds of crazy stuff. Please dont post stupid shit, just things that he might improve on

Its a thug life here in the streets we fighting with our guns and cleats. Fuck around and get shot, watch your corners dont get caught, selling your weed to the little kid. Watch out for the fuckers in blue bitches be on you like sticky glue, watch out for the daily hoe and go easy on the fkin dough; Dont wanna loose your mind and go completely blind cuz then my crew will go all ova you, and they'll pop you in the face making your cartel a disgrace; Nigga i've got more money than bill gates, everybody in the club know my fking plates; They know not to fk with big daddy cuz then i'll sen my motha fking army that'll go hunt the rebels, and pop them from all angles. They'll make the bitches bleed till the point when they'll pleed but i'll give the order to proceed, and let the little kids know, who gives the orders fo' sho'; Cuz this is the story of a mexican who grew up in the hood and chopped bitches with an axe like wood. Who grew up to hate and debate, how the world is so eerie when you have your eyes seeing clearly. How its all about luck and winning big bucks, how it dont matter your race as long as you chase all your fking dreams and go down the streams of the Gangsta life

-Peace out

[Moniker]

Glad your friend has been writing stuff out, hopefully poetry will help him break away from being in a gang.

First off is presentation. To post in just one big paragraph isn't a style usually found in poetry (unless you're trying poetic prose). So it'd be more presentable to format it like this...

Its a thug life here in the streets
we fighting with our guns and cleats.
Fuck around and get shot,
watch your corners dont get caught,

and keep it going like that so the end words of each line rhyme. That's one of the most common styles. Every word doesn't have to rhyme though, so I would say try getting him to write a poem without as much rhyming for his next piece.

Content wise, this is more just basic rap. There's a few similes but mainly metaphor, alliteration and some other key poetic elements are missing. It got somewhat better near the end, so I would try to get more into some of that. Also, the cursing got pretty old. Theres a whole lot more words to express different things then just tossing fuck or fucking in there.

I could get into alot more on this but that's all I'll say for now. Try getting him to work on some of that and post up another one if you want.

-Mind

[Sir Writesalot]

Eh this was pretty okay. Like the guy above me said it needed a bit of polishing. Presentation wise. I think your friend should write some more to practice and get better