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Line limit: 16 MIN, 30 MAX
Checkin due Wed 23.59 EST (late/no checkin = -2 votes)
Verses due Fri 23.59 EST
Line limit: 16 MIN, 30 MAX
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Check, I'm glad I saw this...
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raisn
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how many lines
16 orjust match the first poster
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Look Illy, your delivery's off, so stop pretendin you're the Real Deal b4 I take 5 off ya back
Yeah u're the complete package.. and I'm sure ur just waitin on a mail man to stamp that.
Get smacked into distress damsel, but ur the Heroin to all ur associates..
And no 'wonder women' love u,
They want the highest star- and you look like Lupe Fiasco on opiates.
Do me a favor and bow..cause basehead faggots musical talents is fallin for keys
I know the motto is "Stand for Somethin", but u do ya best work on ya knees
Honestly Illy, you'll never suc'ceed at this rap thing, yo only good spits succeed sips
I know that Junior NBA team was happy, cause u jumped for more balls than Steve Smith
Argue ya preference please phony, but frankly NC gets hit wit more blow than windchimes
Cuz u suck- and the only way u 'outdatin' dimes, is when u 'post' played punches' in FrontLines
Real's rhymes are garbage, but every junkie think he can flow wit track marks on his back right?
...But its clear he's not 'high' into audio, cause Illy couldn't produce a 'dope cut' wit a crack knife
You seem confused on raps standards in general, frankly ya rap sheet couldn't be criminal....
I mean Real Illy's arrested more attempts on good punches than boxin referees at round intervals
U ballin, so congrats on your acceptance. That should keep u on top of shit for while,
But I've got the jump on you,
And unlike your rhymes in most verses.... you will NOT be comin up out the pile
Last edited by Networth; February 7th, 2009 at 12:43 AM
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WELL "ILLY"..... are you gonna show or what man?
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you also deserve a proper breakdown for posting.
Look Illy, your delivery's off, so stop pretendin you're the Real Deal b4 I take 5 off ya back
Yeah u're the complete package.. and I'm sure ur just waitin on a mail man to stamp that.
well, this line had a good concept behind it but the wording was way off and super stretched. If you type your lines and they both go to a new line in reply box below then it probably means that its a tad bit stretched. Thats a rule of thumb that I use here and there.
Get smacked into distress damsel, but ur the Heroin to all ur associates..
And no 'wonder women' love u,
They want the highest star- and you look like Lupe Fiasco on opiates
another good concept, but you probably should have gone a completely different direction with this one to make it hit harder. The lines wheren't too stretch and flowed well so its better then the first punch.
Do me a favor and bow..cause basehead faggots musical talents is fallin for keys
I know the motto is "Stand for Somethin", but u do ya best work on ya knees
cool punch, setup ruined it by being way too filler IMO. wording is still not there.
Honestly Illy, you'll never suc'ceed at this rap thing, yo only good spits succeed sips
I know that Junior NBA team was happy, cause u jumped for more balls than Steve Smith
meh, this ok.. dont get if you were going for a wordplay by typing "suc'ceed but if you where then you could have used something like..
U tree lovin fagget, on ur knees u could never touch me
n' the rainforest'll wither fast if this kid continues to succeeds.
not an ill line but it more of an example as to a different way of going for a wordplay.
Argue ya preference please phony, but frankly NC gets hit wit more blow than windchimes
Cuz u suck- and the only way u 'outdatin' dimes, is when u 'post' played punches' in FrontLines
this was cool too, again.. stretched too hell and the setup was way too filler. Try to refrence your setup to your actual punch to make it connect better. if your talking about one thing in your setups and something else in your punch then readers'll usually be like "WTF" when they get to the actually punch.
Real's rhymes are garbage, but every junkie think he can flow wit track marks on his back right?
...But its clear he's not 'high' into audio, cause Illy couldn't produce a 'dope cut' wit a crack knife
not sure what a crack knife is and you should probably stop putting 's by the words your trying to emphasise cos it gets a bit annoying when reading. Line is also stretched and not a good punch.
You seem confused on raps standards in general, frankly ya rap sheet couldn't be criminal....
I mean Real Illy's arrested more attempts on good punches than boxin referees at round intervals
similie lines are exremely basic and Ive been telling you that since way back. Saying this guys is like this if this where to happen is a similie line. Its the lazy way to go about constructing your punch. Find a way to leave this style behind and learn to better word your punches.
U ballin, so congrats on your acceptance. That should keep u on top of shit for while,
But I've got the jump on you,
And unlike your rhymes in most verses.... you will NOT be comin up out the pile
nah, extremely stretched, I get the concept but the wording was stretched like whoa. avoid these three part line miniseries man, I use em too and get boo's no matter how good you think they are by voters. The advice that was given to me was to try and keep the setup line short when you try these lines.
and thats my break down. holla
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^^^GOOOOD LOOK WORDZ, thats whats really good my dog, I really really appreciate your feed back.
^^oh,, and the stretchiness of my lines usually happens until I knock a lil rust off, cause it takes longer to sorta emphasize my concepts.. They'll leave soon tho, as soon as I get back into serious competition like LLL.
Last edited by Networth; February 8th, 2009 at 12:46 PM
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Networth wins via no show.
Networth 1-0
Real Illy 0-1 doesnt get a match
AI