Just some shit

[EmceeWhite08]

As I turn on the radio I get nauseas
Annoyin' commercial garbage
I make sure to turn it off quick
Fake hit, pullin' tricks, actin like they sick
I'll slap 'em with they own vinyl
There goes the greatest HIT
Like a toilet bowl, most rappers gettin shitted on
Like a competitor, I'm always gettin spitted on..
(Now my mind wonders, just spat a couple lines, ready for a lil more)
As I sit here and spit, conscious of what popped off
Lil' homey Greg ain't been 3 hours got popped with the sawed off
Just another day another friend to soon bury
Hope all of 'em don't die, 'cause there sure ain't many
Some people smile in my face, knowin' they ain't no friend of me
So I ride on 'em and don't speak deliberatly
When I get in the zone somethin' just hits me
So it's like I'm gifted these words flow out freely
As I drop to my knees and ask the Lord for forgiveness
I done did plenty wrong, a bitch tryin' to feel this
I've dont cheated death twice, I may got a kat
But I don't think that bitches got 9 lives
I may be a white girl, but I stay on the grind
Do I look suspicious? What's by my back hind?
I keep a stright mind game, gotta try harder now
Gettin harder to breathe, but I'm gaspin for air, how?

[AlphaMetric]

one a day u stupid twit

[Kronikal Mindset]

I dun like the way u incorporated that structure! Like, at the beggining, its all short lines, and in the middle it got bigger, and and somehow it shortened in the end! It fucks up the flow, nawImean?

Try and word yer stuff better so it comes in same lenght and flows better! Keep a steady structure, and everything will turn out flowy! And multies wud help the flow! Dont force them, thou, if there's a place u dun think that can fit with multies, dun place them!

And metaphors, similies and all'a that wud also help, since I see this was mostly a topical piece of sorts! Int his piece, it matters the flow, and imagery! I thot this was very generic and cliché at sum points! Still, take these advices, maybe even check out a few pieces, and u'll get the hang of it!