Inside my Head, 2008

[The Vortex]

Inside my Head, 2008


I’ve seen more than I needed to see in this crazy sphere -
Where teardrops burns the cheeks each time tragedy appears
& gradually wears down the heart starting internal darkness
An artless war of wits – witnessed by evil hypocrites
Seeing uncared for kids turn suicidal & jump off cliffs
Feel the axis shaking as anger awakens from the pits
This is mayhem in the making – the breaking of spirits
Victims of system errors struggling to find a goal
Soldiers sedate the terrors while studying mind control

Technical turmoil germ warfare - or oil for the killing
Political terms are soiled in this world of hardboiled villains
Sour water pours from the clouds & drowns out crowds cries
Inspired sons prophesize aloud yet only wise ones realize
Devils don disguises posing as Isis enticing wit niceness
They claim life is cheap & always keep tabs on the pricelist
Shit runs deep since silenced sheep are used for sacrifices

No less a raging rain that stretches all over the Kingdom
So press this page again - as I express pains of opinion.




.

[The Vortex]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...st-356517.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rs-357005.html

[Broly]

Pretty nice piece, vocab was striahgt throughout
the whole piece as was the emotion and flow
overall a well written piece, something like your last
one " I've got alot to write about" except shorter
but you still got your point across and cut straight
to the point, im liking this piece, keep writing.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...an-357080.html
Please RTF on my piece.

[Kandlestic]

Nice work man I can't even critque this
check out can't stop the flow

[Shotty Fullclip]

this was a pretty dope piece with emotion and decent flow
your vocab exspecially was at a good level
---------------------------------------------------------------
Victims of system errors struggling to find a goal
Soldiers sedate the terrors while studying mind control

Technical turmoil germ warfare - or oil for the killing
Political terms are soiled in this world of hardboiled villains
Sour water pours from the clouds & drowns out crowds cries
Inspired sons prophesize aloud yet only wise ones realize
Devils don disguises posing as Isis enticing wit niceness
They claim life is cheap & always keep tabs on the pricelist
Shit runs deep since silenced sheep are used for sacrifices
-----------------------------------------------------------------

i was feeling these lines the most
id say overall it was dope..
you definitely got your point across

[Sugar Kane]

I disagree, I didn't see a point, or I seen a point that has been drilled into my head so many times I've forget the meaning behind it. The vokab was straight but the political backing behind it clouded what the fuck you were trying to say. I had no clue what the fuck you was really trying to tell me except maybe the world is fucked. Honestly I'm tired of hearing that I wanna hear WHY the world is fucked in detail, straight up points. Maybe we should stop worrying about the world and focus on how fucked up our actual lives are cus that's where we gotta start.

RTF http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-357014.html