Black and Blue

[Lauren.]

Black and Blue

Absorbed in the mirror's familiar reflection
She cried as she scrutinized each imperfection
Detecting an absence of beauty awoken
And frozen as one whose heart's freshly broken
She secretly prays for the glass to shatter
To reflect her soul that's been tortured and battered
Nobody there to protet or discover
Just a shell of a man who once promised to love her
Above her are footsteps, the tears disappear
As she paints on a smile, though her eyes shine with fear
He stormed in the room smelling strongly of whiskey
His eyes sunken in yet his hands poised and risky
Retreating, her heart started beating and thrashing
As he too, her husband, was beating and slashing
Her ebony bruises now crimson from bleeding
Releasing the pain with each breath she's breathing
In a desparate chase she raced toward the receiver
A nine then two ones, then a fist to defeat her
A pool of misfortune, her life slowly draining
He kicked her thin frame to the porch, it was raining
Awaiting the sirens, the beating had ceased
Both her heart and her husband had now found their peace


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ss-340429.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ou-340105.html

[Johnathan Love]

Good poem.....that was nice i must say you did good..the way you wrote and expressed your self was great....the only thing i see that i didnt understand is how you ended like that so qucikly..with no thought of did he kill his or how he did it...but other than that keep up the good work...

-respect.

[Lauren.]

well I meant to end it suddenly because death, even from abuse, isn't always a slow thing

[Paramik]

Good poem
It should go to Poetic Scriptures.
It aws greatly expressed but i felt it needed a lil bit more imagery.
It was a good peice overall though.
fel like you could've added more.
the beg was good but i did not like how it ended though that much,
be sure to feedback on mines

[M.A.B.W.]

i really enjoyed this one. it had great flow and a nice topic. keep it up

[Lauren.]

thanks for the feed

[E.N.Durance]

Yep not bad, could of done with a lil bit more added to it. there was no imagery to it but hey, who gives a f.c.u.k. this was a nice lil peice shawty, although it was posted in the wrong forum. Good job.

[Bounce]

Not a bad little verse here. Outside of originality I would say this was pretty good. I liked the simplistic style you ran with here, and felt some emotion come through. With some work you could be cranking out some heart felt stuff real soon here. I would work on taking the originality to the next level and improving your descriptive imagery.