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Thread: death can be cruel, but yet so beautiful

  1. #1
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    death can be cruel, but yet so beautiful


    death can be cruel, but yet so beautiful

    I’ll show you the whole bible truth; Chapter and Verse…
    Let my voice approach the mic through the Laughter’s that Burst…
    In the devils desert the only thing that matters is thirst…
    Scanning this Earth: but there’s no water in sight
    Digs with all his might; but only scratches the turf…
    A million years later still digging, what appears to be uh trench…?
    Decides to reside in fear of never relieving the yen…
    Yet, if he would of never ended the search,
    Only a grain more and his thirst;
    Would have been receiving the quench…
    Death is forever – but forever has a beginning
    So therefore forever has to have an end…
    For instants you die; your body returns to the dirt
    then deteriorates; only to arise again through a new birth…
    whether it’s the grain of sand that causes ‘death or,
    it’s tu-pacs rose that chose to struggle and fight forcefully
    through the bed of concrete embedded like four feet…
    unstoppable and beautiful;
    even when chopped to be used as a décor in your office cubical…
    Last edited by aers; September 11th, 2006 at 03:27 AM

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    ok first off your structure...dude change the font size..it kills it aswell. also.....poetry again doesnt need to rhyme dude....so that makes it harder to write but this was a nice do...nice wordings and though some places you could have used better wordings but overall this was a nice topic and a nice flow...the emotion in this was your best outlet...work on your vocab and conent in wording and metaphors. nice do thouh
    keep writing!.

    RTF on the link in my sig under poetic scriptures
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  3. #3
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    thanks...all is taken in to consideration,
    I resized it so hopefully it’s an easier read…
    I also know it aint supposed to rhyme but boredoms got a hold of me…
    The topic I attained while attending my grand-mothers funeral…
    idk why but it had struck me and stayed stuck to me…
    I guess that’s the emotion you’re talking about…ehh?
    Thanks for the feed back again its well appreciated…
    An I will return the favor later although ima’ retire for the night and chill…

    PEACE...

  4. #4
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    your welcome dude!....nice verse though...
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

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