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Thread: A melody to his DEAREST

  1. #1

    A melody to his DEAREST

    A melody for his dearest

    When the flame of hope and expectation started dying
    She came flying, wiped away the product of his eyes crying
    Entered his life as a complete stranger
    He was wrong; for him she would be Mary from the manger

    Like a drug injected dissipates into blood
    She dissolved in him, blossomed in his being like a flower bud.
    To keep her happy he would do anything he could
    Anticipates some day he would be her Robin Hood

    As beautiful as a sunset, she became his picture’s silhouette
    Even though they just met, He drowned in her love, felt like in debt
    They say the mirror of your heart is your face
    No wonder her face is filled with eternal grace
    When she smiles it brightens his day
    Wanted to be with her everyday, conserve her happiness in everyway

    Dilemma commences in day-to-day life
    An abundance of strife--- that’s life
    Victory is overcoming contention, without any disruption
    To your relationship, on your contention you gotta have a grip
    Otherwise it will flip, leading your love to strip
    But he is so much into her, for their affiliation he acts as an entrepreneur
    Ready to take any risk to conquer, her heart
    Entirely hopes that he confers
    Everything right in everyway, thru all this he hopes is to convey
    A message that comes straight from, the cape town of his beating drum
    Pledge that he will always love her; if there’s a requisite he would even die for her
    We all are humans so we err, but don’t let our happiness ever defer
    So we should built our relationship, with a strong base
    Cause there are cases such as hurricanes, which in Short Time we gotta face
    In these situations keep the pace, say your grace, and keep a smile on your face
    All you gotta do is race, to him and let him embrace—YOU.

  2. #2

  3. #3

  4. #4
    need sme feedbcks ppl

  5. #5
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    THis was a good drop, i liked the emotion, metaphors used and i was impressed by the use of vocabulary in certain parts

    They say the mirror of your heart is your face
    No wonder her face is filled with eternal grace
    I liked that line, not the best but it had a ring to it.....The main improvements i will say are:
    Structure
    Try and make the length of your lines even and some lines stretched to far, try ysing different words to shorten them, you don't have to always use BIG words to sound intelligent. YEah other than that tis all good, keep it going

  6. #6
    ..in chains? Naw!
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