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Thread: Dont know you anymore (1st verse)

  1. #1
    Night
    Guest

    Dont know you anymore (1st verse)

    Back then growing up at ten years old
    You and me going up that same old road
    Both had no clothes, both had broke homes
    Both lived in the world feelin alone
    But no matter what, we there for each other
    You were closer to me than my own brother
    Cuz there was no other nigga i trusted more
    It was just two little thugs robbin candy stores
    Now we're much older, doing bigger things
    Including rap, girls, and hustling
    Its kinda like a Bonnie & Clyde thing.....its hard to break
    Nothing but real shit, aint nothing fake
    When u had beef, nigga i had ur back
    When i had beef, you brought me bats
    But years passed by and that all changed
    Cuz years passed by and you werent the same

  2. #2
    Banned Freaky Zeke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    LBC
    Posts
    630
    Battle Record
    6-6
    Like the concept dogg
    Wordplay waz cool no visual but flow waz decent and u could elevate more
    But decent drop u got potential
    Check out one of my open mics

  3. #3
    Night
    Guest
    aight...............appreciate the comment

  4. #4
    Goliath
    Guest
    Rhyme scheme good.
    Flow was good.
    Imagery was vivid.
    This shit was tight.
    Keep droppin.

  5. #5
    Night
    Guest
    Aight...........thanks for the feedback............1

  6. #6
    Night
    Guest
    Do yall niggaz know if u see that i flow like any rapper?

  7. #7
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    38
    Posts
    5,316
    Battle Record
    15-10
    no you dont...and you need to elevate...dont let these newbies give you false hopes...you got some potential..but this wasnt good..you had decent rhyme scheme and structure..that was it..elevate more on complexity and wordplay..elevate your vocab as well..check out my piece titled Corrupt Authority...id appreciate it.~1~


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  8. #8
    K.T: The Assassin ~ladie_streetz~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Frm Da Nati the 513 area! Sin~city aka Riot City is where i be 513 WalnutHillz D.T.W
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,734
    Battle Record
    75-28
    Awards 75+ Wins
    serious and emoti0nal in this verse
    work on structure a little more son ok
    great topic, and life for you seems a little hard if tis is a tru story
    but you did good with this, it was hort but something good to read
    u welcome

  9. #9
    Night
    Guest
    Aight....apreciate it......Treazon, thanks for ur honest comment, even if it was something i aint wanna hear, but good looks.......1

  10. #10
    Night
    Guest
    Need more Feedback~1

  11. #11
    Night
    Guest
    need more feedback..............i'll appreciate it............1

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