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Thread: FreeDumb

  1. #1
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Awards Legendary Member LLL Champion OM HOF Golden Glove Champion

    FreeDumb

    I didnt write this, it wrote me.

    I need time to think
    Think about how i'm distinct
    Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak
    I speak them intertwined with meaning
    I mean i'm defined between them
    Between each line is freedom
    Freedom to disguise my dreams and
    Hide what i see when
    My eyes believe true lies tied to false hope
    And hope falls behind my walls broke
    My soul soaks.. up the pieces to coax
    Every piece of me that chokes
    On the daggers
    Of every back stabber who has a bone to pick
    But I make no bones of it and expose'm quick
    Who's friend, who's foe, who's both to Rich
    Who's toes to miss when im throwing a fit
    Thrown in the mix of this melting pot
    Sweltering hot chics only stir up the top
    Top of the ladder where pockets are fatter
    Where birds churp to words that dont even matter
    Chit-chatter and cake scatters the batter of the fake
    And gathers the pigeons to fit in the hole that they make
    Pigeon-holed to shake.. What Your Mama Gave Ya!!
    Instead of acting... How Your Mama Raised Ya!!
    Will turn you into.. Just Another Flavor!!
    Of the month, but i wont front.. i'll taste ya
    Replace the.. bitch with some cents and dollars
    A dog-eat-dog world, yet.. i cant afford a collar
    But..
    I got collered shirts for work with matching ties
    Work all my life like a jerk
    And my worth still passes by
    Bypasses every effort i've tried.. to give to my pocket
    If sky's the limit, then my debt is a rocket
    I reach to stop it and pull my arms out they socket
    The key is to lock it and throw away the key
    But when i key in my code the atm laughs at me
    And me talking about money is either blasphamy, or
    The Lord has a cents of humor...
    Cause i didn't ask to be poor
    So pour another glass for me dawg
    Let me get blasted before
    Im stuck behind the glass in the morgue
    Cause after all..
    I still need time to think
    Think about how i'm distinct
    Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak
    I speak them intertwined with meaning
    I mean i'm defined between them
    Between each line is freedom.

    Freedom is a state of mind.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  2. #2
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed/deleted, Thanks.

  3. #3
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    you had a great flow in this one. i liked the message and your style. i really can't find anything that bothered me in this piece so big ups.
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  4. #4
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    LOL.. look at Credz.. still with that open mic link bullshit
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  5. #5
    Banned
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    No Links, If you want it re-opened PM me with links

  6. #6
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Will provide links soon.. Feedback appreciated
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  7. #7
    Nice
    Guest
    good piece evolve. (btw, this is feeble.. i just realized my dope newbie name im posting on.)

    I didnt write this, it wrote me.

    I need time to think
    Think about how i'm distinct
    Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak

    too simplistic for my liking... ^ .. you seem a little bit rusty right here.

    I speak them intertwined with meaning
    I mean i'm defined between them
    Between each line is freedom
    Freedom to disguise my dreams and
    Hide what i see when

    nice, heres the non rusty evolve ^ lol . what i like about yuor style sometimes, is that you say so much in so few words. your open mics always have a point to them, untrue of a lot of open mic heads.


    My eyes believe true lies tied to false hope
    And hope falls behind my walls broke
    My soul soaks.. up the pieces to coax
    Every piece of me that chokes

    ehh, i think you could have explained a little better what you meant here, like what kind of false hopes.. what you meant by true lies... could have added some detail.

    On the daggers
    Of every back stabber who has a bone to pick
    But I make no bones of it and expose'm quick
    Who's friend, who's foe, who's both to Rich
    Who's toes to miss when im throwing a fit

    this would have flowed better in the last line if you said "when i throw a fit" . I particulkarly liked the "whos both to rich" line, to me that was talking about those kind of people who act like a friend but then... really arent and are just using you etc.. i liked it a lot for some reason.

    Thrown in the mix of this melting pot
    Sweltering hot chics only stir up the top
    Top of the ladder where pockets are fatter
    Where birds churp to words that dont even matter
    Chit-chatter and cake scatters the batter of the fake
    And gathers the pigeons to fit in the hole that they make
    Pigeon-holed to shake.. What Your Mama Gave Ya!!
    Instead of acting... How Your Mama Raised Ya!!
    Will turn you into.. Just Another Flavor!!
    Of the month, but i wont front.. i'll taste ya

    Lol .. some of this was kind of silly, like the nelly-ish "shake what ya momma gave ya" line. but, ok.

    Replace the.. bitch with some cents and dollars
    A dog-eat-dog world, yet.. i cant afford a collar
    But..
    I got collered shirts for work with matching ties
    Work all my life like a jerk
    And my worth still passes by

    Good bar again, had a lot of meaning to it. thats the kind of work i like to see from you, cuz u do it best.

    Bypasses every effort i've tried.. to give to my pocket
    If sky's the limit, then my debt is a rocket

    good metaphor.

    I reach to stop it and pull my arms out they socket
    The key is to lock it and throw away the key
    But when i key in my code the atm laughs at me

    rofl ..

    And me talking about money is either blasphamy, or
    The Lord has a cents of humor...
    Cause i didn't ask to be poor
    So pour another glass for me dawg
    Let me get blasted before
    Im stuck behind the glass in the morgue
    Cause after all..
    I still need time to think
    Think about how i'm distinct
    Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak
    I speak them intertwined with meaning
    I mean i'm defined between them
    Between each line is freedom.

    Freedom is a state of mind.



    overall; a good open mic. definitely not your best, but i'd rate it 8.5/10 .


  8. #8
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Tight as fuck as usual, my man...

    Great flow...great descriptions.

    Lots of good wordplay and irony here...

    I especially liked the "ATM laughing at you line"...

    Nice to see ya back...

    Peace

  9. #9

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    word....what born said...clearly a goodpiece.
    flow was tight...could of bin abit more content
    but this shit was v/nice man..keep at it.

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  10. #10
    Temugin
    Guest
    Dope man, but on the opening stanza's the flow was off I need time to think
    Think about how i'm distinct
    Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak
    I speak them intertwined with meaning
    I mean i'm defined between them
    Between each line is freedom
    Freedom to disguise my dreams and
    Hide what i see when

    You see, there weren't really enough words, it didn't flow correctly.

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