Still

[Thrust]

Mounted among the roses
A piece of art exposes
It's dedication & loyalty
To his beloved country
Through their honorable actions
It gives us something to look back at
Seeing how it happend
From another soldier's flash back
A man who displayed nationalism
By sacraficing his heart
On America he left his mark
As we cherish and honor him
Greatful that we're free
Thankful for our veterans
Who favored other's
Rather than bettering him
Your character and moral
Transfered into victories
Charging on the battle grounds
The one's kids are taught in history
& when that chapter closed
Children looked upon the...
...Stillness of a soldier's victorious pose

[Foreshadow]

Nice Fah Q everything was on point in this.

[Mesmerize]

Nice drop Fah Q. I liked the idea behind this. Like shadow said, you kept everything on point. Since your lines were so short it was hard to put much emotion and imagery in there but I still felt you done well with this. You still kept my attention with this and pulled me in from the very beginning, so I give you props for that. Keep droppin man....peace.

[Neruda II]

I'd like to say first of all that I'm not patriotic in any way. I am indifferent whether or not I live in this country or what day it is in this country. However, I can always appreciate poetry.

You had very strong imagery in this piece. You portrayed the elders of this country in a high light, nice touch. The length was good, you didn't get too mushy or wander off from the topic. You had some nice flow probably because of the length of the poem, it made if very easy to flow well. Imagery stood out to me because of lines like "Charging on the battle grounds-The one's kids are taught in history". I'm trying not to be an asshole and start ranting about how much I dislike america...well you managed to portray the veterans and soldiers of this country in a good light. Overall, you had nice structure, which made it easy to flow, which allowed the imagery to go greatly. good job FQ.

[Mantra]

good work my friend, i vas feelin' the short structure
simplicity can be a good thing which you've managed
to impart nicely. pretty good imagery and emotion
but i think the message was what really came through clearly
here. props mayne..keep doin' yer thing..oh n we need
to collab go peep the crew forum..peace

[Thrust]

i feel that veterans should be respected, and the people who are fighting for us now.
even if we don't agree on the scenario, or why their doing it, it's not really their choice or not.

[King]

agreed that the men and women fighting deserve all the respect...even though their cause is forced on them...the piece was a nice drop...it really highlighted all the right things...it's just too bad all veterans aren't acknowledged like that...

Your character and moral
Transfered into victories

nice lines....
L&P

[ILLusions]

Wonderful....good job! I don't want to break this down that much because I think the whole thing set the tone for itself. The structure, the meaning, what have you....

I mean, Fourth of July and all that stuff...this is really good. Nice drop!

[Thrust]

thanks for the replies...
appreciate it

[spokenoh]

I am confused as well over the rhyme scheme if there even was any. It seemed to change freely which lost me in some parts. Meter and syllable count also lacked significantly in some parts; I am critisizing this as if it was rhyming. Poetry's main objective is to show emotion as well, and you did that as you portrayed war veteran's and other scenario's. I felt this was average, unlike all your crew members. Please reply to The Objective.

[Thrust]

the same old rhyme schemes get lame after a while
i think good writers should be able to capture different rhyme schemes and approaches

and anyways, poetry isn't all about the rhyme...more emotion than anything, and just overall display of other aspects

[Bounce]

Thanks for taking the time to honor our heroes in such a way. They deserve the rcognition no matter our political views. A decent drop, nice and simple, but complex at the same time. The later is always a great quality to have when it comes to poetry. You been doing a fine job on elevating and contributing quality work on this site, all I can tell you is that we appreicate it. Keep it up and stay dedicated to your art...

Bounce