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Thread: Reach Me

  1. #1
    Newbie Squeeze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    in purgatory
    Age
    36
    Posts
    12

    Reach Me

    Reach Me
    The blade of the knife tore through my chest
    Piercing my heart and tearing my inner vains
    The poison added for pain is quick to attack my insides
    And I can feel my organs within begin to collapse
    Tightening around them feels asthough an outside being is aiding in my pain
    But then I see her face and suddenly the pain ceases
    Her touch lightens immensely the tightened grasp on my organs
    And my blood stops pooring
    For the pain has ended
    And she has finally reached me.

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  2. #2
    Never on schedule
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    IE
    Posts
    687
    Battle Record
    1-1
    Nice piece....Had some much felt emotion...You even had a couple of decent rhymes... Im not sure if you were going for that or not but it worked out very well...

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120182
    ^^^^
    my first poetry piece so be nice

  3. #3
    ..:: SpOrTzDiScIpLe™::..
    Guest
    It Was Overall I Nice Piece Thought I Could Have Needed Better Flow.....it Had Decent Rhymes
    I Was Really Feeling It ....
    But Overal Needs Work
    .. /..........................7/10

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