Fya

[Twiztid_chick69]

Alright..This seems like just some normal ole shit poem lol..But read the first letter of each sentence straight down after you read the poem..Its kinda kool...Feedback please..

From the first time that I saw you
Understand that I knew, you weren't true
Calling your little hoes from our home
Keeping me worried, leaving me alone

You made me feel guilty when I wasn't around
One time, I thought you were down
Undeniable, you slept with every tramp in town

Always telling lies to my face
Saying no one could take my place
Some day that will all come back to you
How you said for me, the extremes you go through
Or how you said you loved me
Leaving me, yet saying im your only
Everyone knows your a phony

~It's a bit choppy..but tell me what yah think~

[Spoken]

when working with this kinda structure, making a poem off a few words, you have to be carefull, and it can be hard. for you have to make sure that it makes sence and isnt jumping all over the place, plus making sure it doesnt seemed forced just so it starts with that letter, it still should seem natural. thats really the one thing i didnt like with this piece, is at times some lines seemed forced, and didnt really contribute anything to the poem. i also felt emotions werent shown as well as they could have been and that detail could be added.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

[.:LadySage:.]

I agree with filed in saying the piece felt forced, and jumped around alot. With simple and short pieces you have to try to have a sufficient amount of emotion, I felt almost none in this piece. Again carefully choose your words. Try to stay on topic... i think if you re-think this piece, and maybe make a structure or style change, this piece would be good. Keep writin hun