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Thread: Soft Focus Presents - Elements ( Deacon~Calisto~Filed~Content ) DONT SLEEP ON THIS!!!

  1. #1
    I Am The Light deacon's Avatar
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    Soft Focus Presents - Elements ( Deacon~Calisto~Filed~Content ) DONT SLEEP ON THIS!!!

    Deacon ~Earth~

    As the sky fills with silence,

    The wind blows through my landscapes
    As the dirt below carries my grain,
    The water inserts it's fertile minerals
    So my innerself remains the same......

    So now see us in the ocean, where blue rays of beauty glow,
    Feel it in a vessel, where these rapid rivers flow,
    Hear me whisper in your ear, so stunning it fills the air...
    See me in a tree top high, reach and feel me flying

    Falling like stars from these blue skies,
    Such beauty aquires my being..
    I constitute a helping hand my body its mine for healing
    As the widow women weep's a saddened story,
    Amongst this lonely hour...
    My body of soil conserves her,
    Through the mercy of this flower..
    Through life a common death to breathe,
    Regonize my matter Dirt, wind and water.....



    Calisto ~Water~

    Expel me through your lips, upon my rollercoaster of air
    Condensation hangs on hips, after washing away an affair
    Daring to touch sacred droplets, as I gently show you I care
    Vow to vaporize friendships, forever searching nowhere
    Touches into tense fingertips, symbolical embracing wears
    And the latter fails to drip, beyond the brutality when bare
    As if hung on reality grips, no compassion can compare
    To the moisture upon lips, when taking away all air

    Numbness conquers into fears, handling hardly all of this
    Massive flooding alias tears, I can’t control the pessimist
    Invading consciousness peers, as if to come to my assist
    But reclusively begins to adhere, just as I request aid to resist
    Dwarfing doubts as they near, wondering lines across my wrists
    Magnificents life merely mirrors, margins of error within our midst
    Justifying judgments, disputing jeers, falls deaf when displaying fists
    Ferociously fighting senseless fears, try as you might, you can’t defeat this

    Filed ~Dirt~

    My mind deeply narrows, my thoughts expand and soar
    Over the blinding beautiful outlay of this land,

    Its carpet becomes the main focus of my poundering tour
    From mud and graval, to unprocessed glass called sand.

    Each walking ordinary day I place without much thought
    My own two feet upon this complex earth's surface,

    And today i finally relize, this was no quick drawn plot
    Instead a lot of love and deep thinking done with zero haste.

    Mother nature reached a problem after the sky was
    Painted blue
    All of her newly made creations were falling away,
    Pushing apart,

    The she relized she need something more, she created
    Worlds first glue

    Her own soft gentle hands molded up the new ground,
    Earth's Non-beating heart.

    This provided solid platform that keeps the world securely one
    Holds all nations strongly together through peace and war,

    For if this given was to vanish we would crumble to the
    Hot sun and im afraid to say but without this grumy dirt
    All creations would be no more.

    Content ~Wind~

    Each and every leaf has fallen from a heavenly
    Tree..maintaining as a passagger of this
    Plane and we let it fly free....

    Jesus rides shotty periodically I merely confirm his
    Coordinates as if footprints and magnifying glasses
    Weren't enough..there was a windy road at first
    Then I proportioned it unpaved it saved it....

    I exist as that everlasting puppet master with invisible
    Strings..uplifting spirits as they spread out their wings
    Throughout these phases saved them always...

    Clouds are assembled for the misguided to realize better
    Days..now everyones painting gorgeous pictures from
    Their iris with amazement lively..every act is instrumental...

    Instant message subliminals quarantine this mimic
    Rooms perimeter in the most efficent ways possible
    This eternal classrooms always crowded everyday
    Represents another stage for the commencement

    Some found the man upstairs some lost the truth and
    Missed him..along the obstacles some leaves stick to the
    Soggy mud surfaces and call it crew..transform to victims

    Im the one that kept you walking all the way across the
    Bridge..so you could recieve counscelling and also love
    The wife and kids......

    When friends and family disowned like exiled Jehovias
    Witnesses..I blew everyone back into formation once
    They payed off your emotional pension quick

    As a silent worker of God im content with his honorable
    Mentions..as for a final phrase well its love life live it
    To the extremes since it can leave in an instant

    Everythings not what it seems in the air tonight so let
    Me guide you all with peace and safe travels
    Last edited by deacon; November 24th, 2003 at 09:21 PM
    softfocus



    while you write to rapbattles I perform on stage

    How's it feel to lack in comparison?............

  2. #2
    LadyWun
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    This was a really nice read... I don't have time to critique it like I
    want to so I will come back... I just wanted to drop a sentence
    or two just to say it was a great. Keep writing.

  3. #3
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    All of these lyrics are good, beyond what people would have thought. The Topics i enjoyed it was different and and the flow on each was great great peices...keep that up
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  4. #4
    .:LadySage:.
    Guest
    this was a real good read, first and formost i give yall much repsect for this

    i like how deacon started it off and really portrayed and played the element
    "As the sky fills with silence,

    The wind blows through my landscapes
    As the dirt below carries my grain,"
    i liked that right there, you set it up to make the rest of the piece easy to comprehend...nice nice

    Expel me through your lips, upon my
    Rollercoaster of air
    Condensation hangs on hips, after washing
    Away an affair
    Daring to touch sacred droplets, as I gently
    Show you I care
    Vow to vaporize friendships, forever searching nowhere
    Calisto, this is a real strong opening, it drew me in completely, i'm feeling the connections and you drew some pictures in my head, really made me think (or maybe i just over-analyze) but w/e, i liked it

    Filed, your part was nice, i like how you went about it, when i first read your piece, i found it different from every1 elses in a way that brought the piece down, but i looked again and i really liked the whole message you have there...every line contributed and praised the line that followed

    I exist as that everlasting puppet master with invisible
    Strings..uplifting spirits as they spread out their wings
    Throughout these phases saved them always...
    ................
    Some found the man upstairs some lost the truth and
    Missed him..along the obstacles some leaves stick to the
    Soggy mud surfaces and call it crew..transform to victims
    Content, let me tell you, these two lines right here had me like DAMN, literally, i like your style, you have talent if i dont tell you anything else, your verse was strong, you also had some nice imagery


    in a way deacon wrote as himself being the earth,and every other element wasnt fully written like that, but it didnt take away from the piece being as though the earth is the main element, in a sense
    i liked the whole concept, ....elements,..... real creative
    im lovin it
    everyone's talent complimented the others
    nice collab
    props to everyone
    didn't mean to write a novel, but...what can i say

  5. #5
    I Am The Light deacon's Avatar
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    Wow ladysage...thanks alot for the elaborate critique....We really did an amazing job on this as a whole...This really is what crews are all about complimenting each others talents....Alright lets get some more responses...Its good enough to raise millions...hahha

    ohh yeah and um we are recruiting now so all you nice writers check out soft focus....crap now i feel like a Fank Mackie in an infomercial...hahah except im not teaching men how to get the "bush" if you know what i mean..

    -1-
    softfocus



    while you write to rapbattles I perform on stage

    How's it feel to lack in comparison?............

  6. #6
    Certified Vet Content's Avatar
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    Deacon says thanks

    Filed says thank you

    Calisto says thanks a lot

    I say ferfuckssake gee thanks
    And thanks Lady Sage
    myspace.com/tnetnoc
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  7. #7
    I Am The Light deacon's Avatar
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    Alright lets get some more views...all these people are some of rb's finest....show respect...was that too harsh nahhhhh...

    -1-
    softfocus



    while you write to rapbattles I perform on stage

    How's it feel to lack in comparison?............

  8. #8
    ~*Lil' Miss Caramel*~ Calisto's Avatar
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    Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to this. I really appreciate this, and you're response to our crew... y'all know we finna dominate RB right? But seriously get at us new people... great tallents, cause I have a love obsession with Rb... my hos are gonna get mad oh well lol thank you all again 'specially ladysage... remember get at us in that tryout thread playa playa lol peace
    Formerly known as ThundaThighz
    ~*Divine Diction*~
    "...For life is not a paragraph.
    And death I think is no parenthesis"-E.E. Cummings

  9. #9
    Newbie ~Tha Prophiit~'s Avatar
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    SHIT nice drop. I really liked how you collabed on this it was a real good mix. All around it was SWEET.

    First off the whole structure was ill. Really enjoyed that. The wordplay, vocab, it was all there. I liked it alot and i hope all u keep dropping em. Mad props on this one keep em comin.

    Overall Grade:

    9/10
    ~Tha Prophiit~

    ...Takin out 1 emcee at a time...

  10. #10
    Banned Civilized Rebel's Avatar
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    I always thought the elements were Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water. I didn't see fire. Oh well. Then again, if you've ever played most any Japanese bred RPG, you'd find that Ice, Shadows, and Lightning are also elements. ::Cough::Chrono Trigger::Cough::

    Ok... ok... this peice... was like... ok... yeah. I'm sort of at one of those losses of words. I told myself when I entered this thread that I'd come up with a serious reply to it. Especially given all you people who wrote this. And I only ingrained that thought into my head as I read the peice and saw the time, the effort, and the talent that went into writing this peice. This isn't unobstruced raw McDonalds "meat" patty talent you're all displaying, this is finely tuned, heavely proccessed, carefully cooked prime rib talent.

    Gosh I'm hungry.

    I mean there is so much to say about this, yet I can't really concieve the words in my head. This was an awe inspiring peice.

    And while it's probably wrong to play favorites... I feel like I have to say that while I liked each of your parts in this, some reason I liked Calisto's the most. I dunno. I guess I could sort of feel the rhythm to it and actually hear the words in my head.

    A n y w a y... I didn't sleep and I replied with something. My reply is very shortcoming to what I'd like to of said, but hopefully you will take in what I wanted to say, and ignore what I actually said.

    ~Shalom~

  11. #11
    Super Spic, w00t! Emerge's Avatar
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    nice read man it was a longer read, but worth every word of it i like this a lot

    deacon - beautifull personification of earth man this was really really nice great imagery concise vocab and stayed on point man u really grasped this well

    calisto - nice as well good imagery both of you compliment each other very much

    filed - eh dirt is earth nonetheless this was also well written i can tell you put some effor into this piece and you rewarded your readers with it

    content - in my eyes the one who brought everything together you really stood out man...and that is a feat considering your partners dropped bombs...if i tried to critique you i would diminish the meaning of this...so ill just say that you were the best in my eyes on this peace displayed dexterity in all categories dog

    all in all this piece was nice all you complement each other well

    if you guys can do me a favor and hit up my open mic its in my sig...i know its not in this forum, but i need some poetic type of feedback...not everyone in open mic understands alliteration and metaphores and all that stuff so please please if you guys can hit it up i would appreciate it

    peace!!

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  12. #12
    ~*Lil' Miss Caramel*~ Calisto's Avatar
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    Aww I love you nec!! Seriously thank you both for indepth replies... I know it's hard to take a longer peice (especially a 4 person collab) and remember things about it as well as talk extensively about different aspects of it... You guys rock and I'm happy that you liked this peice. I agree about the elements thing but I wasn't assigned an odd element so I didn't think too much about it.. that and I didn't want anyone to beat my ass an kick me outta the crew for sayin anything seeing as I was new then ! Lol thank ya all!! Y'all rule!
    Formerly known as ThundaThighz
    ~*Divine Diction*~
    "...For life is not a paragraph.
    And death I think is no parenthesis"-E.E. Cummings

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Split-eyez's Avatar
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    wow... just wow... probs to y'all
    really really nice piece... I was feeling every one of 'em... just pure poetry.
    definitely not a played out topic... when I read the title I thought it wasn't an easy task... but y'all made it work. It flowed magnificently together.
    Probs to y'all...
    Resp
    Much too dangerous
    Meet the perfect stranger
    I'm the extreme case of fire and anger
    The misguided angel with deep routed fears
    My face shows the years of blood sweating tears
    Pay attention, this gypsy that deeply senses
    Evil spirits lurking behind picket fences
    Embarking darker images and skeletal remains
    Cold hearted soldier with ice in his veins

  14. #14
    Certified Vet Content's Avatar
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    Deacon says thanks

    Filed says thank you

    Calisto says thanks a lot

    I say ferfuckssake gee thanks

    Prophiit..Emerge..Split Eyez...Necro

    thank you

    myspace.com/tnetnoc
    myspace.com/understream

  15. #15
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins
    wow, thanks for the imput everyone, its quite the long piece to read, so thanks for taking the time to read it all and give your thoughts. muah love you all!

    ~Tera~
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

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