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Thread: “On The Hunt”

  1. #1
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Lightbulb “On The Hunt”




    “In order to survive in a world of instinct,
    its' alternative is to hunt or being hunted.
    Reject this, then be prepared to be hunted.”
    - Toba Beta



    The hunt is on.
    They look across the arid grey savannah plains,
    A barren wasteland with hunter-gatherers wading through its scant remains.
    Tall grasses sway in silent synchronicity as golden grains are stood
    facing up at the fateful summer gaze of the Eurasian sun.
    Yet patience comes with age amongst our early hominid hunters
    with one of the youngest all too eager to ease his consummate hunger.
    The primitive prospect then lunges from his position —
    but opportunity’s gone in an instant, much like the one that he missed is.
    There’s no time to offer forgiveness. Looking down through furrowed brow
    the elder doesn’t growl, his look of dour disappointment becomes a scowl.
    Enough is mouthed to signify this shouldn’t have happened
    before a guttural grunt then establishes the hunt is still active!
    As sunset is gathering all remaining daylight from the skies
    the tribe are reminded their hopes are fading with night on the rise.
    The climate declines, their matte of black fur bristles tight at their sides,
    as the bipedal giants subsistence strategy becomes a fight to survive.
    They eye the horizon with suspicion and caution a must
    each step as small and flat-footed as the prey they sought to ambush.
    They stalk through the undergrowth of this desolate land
    with only the remnants of past encounters and weapons in hand.
    The elder neanderthal gestures erratically to an opening near him
    stroking his bearded mane to indicate the young foal must be feeding.
    This older experienced male knows that patience is key
    with a greater degree of success than those acting instantaneously.
    He raises his spear, fingers coiled as he studies the challenge,
    his movements as wooden and jagged as the assegai our hunter has brandished.
    The crunch of a snapping twig suddenly panics their prey —
    standing up straight, its ears point toward the noise the Neanderthal made.
    The leaders hand is now waving to encourage more natives to join
    his directive keen as their weaponry; simple and straight to the point.
    They take aim of their hoisted arsenal, appearing to startle it,
    before striking both fear in its heart and spears in its cartilage.
    They weaken their target with consecutive blows to the horses physique
    until it’s legs no longer support it’s resilience and it falls to its knees.
    Their stalk is complete.
    Yet sure as they feast upon the reward of its meat,
    unfortunately for our victorious Neanderthals, not all’s as it seems…
    You’re talking to me now - The Mammoth - A true titan of industry -
    One of the most feared giants in history, and I am a different breed.
    While they were busied beating a dead horse to the stake
    I was cautiously waiting to close the distance and corner my prey.
    I saw their mistakes before they had made them;
    Every misstep they had took
    bore the imprint left by my footprints on ground I’ve already been stood.
    I know every inch of this woodland, from its grassy greens to its heights,
    equipping me for survival against the scavengers bleeding us dry.
    I can smell their fear from a mile away as they see me and run
    but there’s no reason to come from behind when you lead from the front.
    While their spears are no longer in reach and they’re preoccupied
    I leap up on hind legs to take the stampede off their minds.
    My feet stomp their spinal columns with cold sickening thuds
    turning the slow trickling substance into their own rivers of blood.
    With a lone flick of my tusks, I attack the loudest first —
    and stab the cowards sternum before bringing him crashing down to earth.
    I stamp the ground asserting my dominance over those stood in my wake
    each thunderous quake disrupting the status quo as the sleeping jungle awakes.
    Suddenly swathes of prying eyes peer from the woodlands periphery
    and I raise my trunk to implicitly sound the call that trumpets our victory.
    Blood nourishes indigenous soil to quench the grounds insatiable thirst
    giving way to rebirth as nature and nurture promote our vegetations return.
    The remains are dispersed among all who occupy the habitat that we live in
    — the death of the Neanderthals giving new life to the entire animal kingdom…

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  2. #2
    The Man in Black Soule's Avatar
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    Re: “On The Hunt”

    this was dope. I love that at first I thought it was people hunting lions then it was neanderthals hunting a steed and finally a mammoth taking out the neanderthals. It was a pleasant rollercoaster. The piece flowed nicely and definitely picked up pace as the action kicked in which was nice. Honestly have no complaints about this piece. You understood the assignment and the stage and you brought your best to the plate. I know this is a champ match verse from NC but it's hall of fame worthy regardless. Nomd

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    Originally Posted by Wuxia
    You're a really talented writer. And I've only ever said that to Baron Mynd.

  3. #3

    Re: “On The Hunt”

    A masterpiece really.

    The internal rhymes and consistency was impeccable start to finish, and as soon as I'd read the first few lines I knew it was gonna be apeshit/mammoth shit.
    And for once I didn't see the twist coming either.

    The fact you can churn out such ridiculously high quality, thoughtful, insightful and interesting pieces after all these years is commendable.
    HAVE I BEEN HERE BEFORE?

  4. #4
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Re: “On The Hunt”

    @bigBerd
    @mynameageef I never left, my pen stay sharp

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: “On The Hunt”

    I agree with the above feedback left. This was definitely one of the best drops that I have seen in a while on this site. The creativity, word choice, verbiage was original and put together very nice. Consistency in being able to maintain the storyline while still keeping an entertaining verse was mastered pretty good. Very impressed with the depth of this verse being keep throughout the entire passage.

    Overall, great drop Baron Mynd.

  6. #6
    Jicera - the only pic ihv NoNun2's Avatar
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    Re: “On The Hunt”

    You had a lot of great lines… and I can relate to the body part… I think it’s going back to normal

  7. #7

    Re: “On The Hunt”

    Whattup yo
    Meant to get to this one earlier, 'preciate the shoutout.

    Gotta say your style ain't changed since I last read. Still ill. Your voice is somewhat generic but distinctive, if that makes sense.

    Can't help but to hear that emphasis on certain syllables when I read, way more than I usually do. Keep punching dawg. Anyway


    A barren wasteland with hunter-gatherers wading through its scant remains.
    Tall grasses sway in silent synchronicity as golden grains are stood
    The words "with" and "as" really throwing off the flow here, feel myself stumbling while reading.

    "facing up at the fateful summer gaze of the Eurasian sun/patience comes with age amongst" - dope multi. wicked dope.

    before a guttural grunt then establishes the hunt is still active!
    would prolly flow better with the phrase "to establish" but the imagery throughout this part is sick. You've got a boy working on his hunting skills somewhere in earth's eastern hemisphere. cool.

    They eye the horizon with suspicion and caution a must
    each step as small and flat-footed as the prey they sought to ambush.
    something about this line I fucks with.


    his movements as wooden and jagged as the assegai our hunter has brandished.
    The crunch of a snapping twig suddenly panics their prey —
    standing up straight,
    the multisyllabic overlap you're doing here is cool but kind of awkward.


    "striking both fear in its heart and spears in its cartilage." - yooooooooooo

    You’re talking to me now - The Mammoth - A true titan of industry -
    One of the most feared giants in history, and I am a different breed
    what a twist! Introducing a first-person character, and some perspective whiplash. Forgivably corny, but i can dig it.


    "bore the imprint left by my footprints on ground I’ve already been stood." - this is where it becomes more of a flex-piece than anything else.

    My feet stomp their spinal columns with cold sickening thuds
    turning the slow trickling substance into their own rivers of blood.
    With a lone flick of my tusks, I attack the loudest first —
    and stab the cowards sternum before bringing him crashing down to earth.
    prolly the sickest four bars of this whole joint


    I stamp the ground asserting my dominance over those stood in my wake
    each thunderous quake disrupting the status quo as the sleeping jungle awakes.
    you're british, right? jw


    The remains are dispersed among all who occupy the habitat that we live in
    — the death of the Neanderthals giving new life to the entire animal kingdom…
    Kind of a weird way to end it but I feel like this is one of those raps that's a big extended metaphor for attacking wack emcees.

    Either way, you did not disappoint. Good shit man.
    stay busy wit tha pen

  8. #8
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: “On The Hunt”

    what's up baron? been a minute since I've read something of yours. the beginning up until eurasian sun was a fantastic showcase of imagery, very uniquely descriptiv setting and was a strong open. thought the 'hunt is still active' stuck out as not having the strong wordchoice, just a few instances of this. you picked back up after weapons in hand, loves how the focus of imagery has molded intouch more of story of the hunt of this horse. I didn't like the 'ive already been stood' line and this is just another example of a slight punch out of wordiness that kind of sticks out to the reader. it was an interesting twist at the end being at the perspective of watching the hunters and hunting them as a mammoth. I did not see that coming and maybe just wish a little more imagery was poetically captivating that scene to tie together that very strong entry.

    look forward to reading more baron drops
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