A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

I have no “safe” quiet place I can go to, to sleep without them tapping or pulling or worse

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That’s what it feels like

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It’s gross… and they’re abusing me. They have NO rite to tell me who or what I am or am not going back to.

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And put my body back too!!! My bras done even fit me anymore but sams story and same weight and magic talking about they didn’t when he know they did

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Confused as fuck but going to try to sleep…

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Ever since we met up I’ve been deforming again… like just cause he not a celebrity doesn’t mean he don’t deserve an above average bitch. I feel so fat and ugly!!!!

[A Disciple]

[A Disciple]

[A Disciple]

@Candy Onyx? … Last days… I was playing it during covid on the empty streets and the vibe was different. Personally going thru covid lock down wasn’t that bad for me

[A Disciple]

How do you hallucinate without even taking a hullicigebic before?

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My DR did ask me that too

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If I was hallucinating

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I’m gonna try to sleep

[Candy]

@Candy Onyx? … Last days… I was playing it during covid on the empty streets and the vibe was different. Personally going thru covid lock down wasn’t that bad for me

yeh me to

[A Disciple]

@Candy that’s funny…

[A Disciple]

I was at Mikes ankles and I almost thought I couldn’t post to my thread just now.

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My free fall… some music you just literally feel again

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[A Disciple]

Uh spamming our shit… yooo he just rocked my ass to sleep for real!!!

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Nah he didn’t… I was just tripping putting assumptions together in my own mind… but I came at them both LoL

[A Disciple]

Styles P been around is my go to sad think song but this one too… deep as hell and sad as fuck. I like that betrayal line.



Been thru more than most and like when I pray or get scared to trust I trust god and pray no more. Karma I demand it… what go around supposed to come around and I want my best wishes too

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It’s crazy cause then angels or Chris wouldn’t let us miss each other in writing him thru all the craziness and how I remembered stuff and such. What kinda make me mad is how people gonna try to play us on our socio shit. Him in jail me in mental but when talking together we just see different… it’s a different world to us then it is to them and Lord I wanna write!!!! You all see I will write for freee any way but to be paid doing something I love… that’s the dream. I want to ghost write!

[A Disciple]

I can bench over 200 lbs with my legs… idk ask magic how much he weigh - I lifted him…

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Just starting to come up with a plan to get in better shape and add more slices to my life pizza… I’m feeling him lots and know he’s a soulmate but I also know soulmates come in different venues. Like a mother a friend a husband etc. To me… I have to learn patience and trust how it all gonna play out but when we fight? I can’t deal with the feeling that consumes me until we ok again… THAT sucked

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The guy that was with prodigy who I met but didn’t say he was prodigy… asked my favorite New York song and it kinda sucks cause it feel like with my NMB90 BD like I was on your enemies side like raised with them huh? So to step away a sec to claim loyal I realized I wasn’t kinda really cause most of my ties at least on that level were good to me… and over there… so by leaving it fucked me up EVERYWHERE cause like your peoples hate me. I get it now I think…

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You? Cause me and my father was watching belly and he said that’s his secretaries apt building… I just stood up and grabbed my keys and walked away… how the fuck he know where his sec lived and why? When I told my mom like 20 years later she said she had an abortion but it my heart I said nah she didn’t cause I thought it was one of his that wrote too and was talking direct shots… I want to respect but at the same time we are not alike and my dad wasn’t THAT much of an asshole like people thought… he was just raised different.

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And I PROMISE you if that is what was up he didn’t know… he might’ve would’ve hid you but he wouldn’t leave you for dead I’m sure

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He started to tell me something and I smiled but I TOTALLY can’t remember what he told me (not my dad) my partner who was in 20+ plus years. He knows what’s up with this weird shit too so I’m just walking day by day… hoping to learn how to run the positive way now and literally. I’ve got a lot on my mind and I don’t really have anyone but him to talk to. No one else can relate and say I’m just talking crazy and start giving me the date and president psych tests

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I’m not positive but I THINK he said he was in with my ex who is also his cousin and he hates him but hasn’t told me why yet… I laughed cause ced used to joke and say keep it in the family and I get that now and yeah when I came home from Norwalk and the 3 bangs and ced called I kept screaming “shelf… they left me on a shelf” and it’s the last time we ever talked again. He always acted like crazy was contagious… most my old friends did too

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I heard he moved down south… I wish him the best but deep down I’ll never let go that he got caught up on the wrong side and it didn’t have to be like this…

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The taps and all to my throat and butt or rib and such too… like if someone (3 strangers at once) forced you to share your body with them when you didn’t want to how the fuck do you think it feels when strangers have your body tied in a way that only religion should sanction only I ain’t take any vowes and my religion isn’t that sacraligist - especially not my tastes…

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When they tied me down to the bed in mental like OMFG thank GOD an Angel passed me out in less than 3 minutes

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God knew I couldn’t take, handle, or deserve that

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I’m starting to think people like me feel a little extra than normal

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No nightmares shit… like all the nightmares be like 75% vs 25% calm… I’m just trying to get my mental health to a more comfortable and sustainable level

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Baby steps… standing back up but so slow to ensure I stay grounded… I rather steady go then the booms of up and down… that’s where me and my father defer. Money stress the worst stress for me…

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I’m just saying if psych really trying to fix us or people then why don’t they have all our records and history like Drs do?

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They trying to mask the problem by treating us like less then and less thens are blowing shit and people up… I feel like that is TJEIR fault

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Their fault*

TJ my nephew that just graduated the marines and is already squandrant (sp) leader and I’m against ANY spirit that thinks my body is theirs too or their vehicle… you know? When I start tapping wrong keys or have to fight my pen. They not even nice or respectful!!! Especially when they already had their body and fucked up!!!! You don’t just get mines too!!!!! Like what they see when they look at me? A pussy? I’ve ducked bullets, been pistol whipped, gang assaulted, allegedly shot but didn’t know it… etc

I mean are you even listening when they talking about opps?

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Kicking his face on the switch… like “BITCH… I’m the man” … I hardly remember any of it THANK GOD

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When I stole the car it was like it was all already laid out like a test only I didn’t come to until I was on the highway to realize what I became. At that time I was in the gym 6 hrs a week so it was easy to turn ninja…

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I’m a go watch that movie he told me to watch I think… even though most times I just prefer to write and think

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And when I sit and reminisce it’s anything but with or about my old friends either… someone should’ve told me or said something for real

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I just want to move forward but I did bring the magic shit to the site… sending it back didn’t work and my phone kept hard bouncing the email address the store gave me so I put it here… I know I’m not the only one that see or live different

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Shirt soaked in red from neck to knee… I felt him lift

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So I’m not sure who hate me that I go through this but the body taps and feeling like strangers are on my body acting like my god- that’s when I get mad too

[A Disciple]

I’m supposed to be watching this movie Fallen but I can’t… I just don’t feel like it… and sometimes the noise irritate me… what I want to do idek… I’m drinking a beer and I don’t even like beer!!!! I’m better at maintaining the munchies with weed but my heart broken cause I like coke but can’t do it (full tears emoji) LoL

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All my friends on a shroom kick like oh hell no I’m not down with you all on that LOL

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It’s my day off tomorrow…

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I can’t stand the tingles and taps like I’m kinda pissed how many people and who are on my body in religious ways without even asking permission though

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Cause my boy told me my under cover nick name B2K and I asked why and he said “bump bump bump” and I was like damnnnn that’s fucked up LOL

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And money wise… I’m broke as fuck too

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I’ve barely been drinking especially not more than a nip

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Miserable and sad… I hate being broke, sick, no money, bossed around, my parents all in my accounts and financing and I just despise being an adult child

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Always have… but yet here again I always end up and I don’t know whose fault that is for real

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It feel like my life been donated to what everyone else want but me