Sadness freestyle

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Thread: Sadness freestyle

  1. #1

    Sadness freestyle

    They say you can be addicted to sadness
    I guess maybe thatís why youíre addicted to me
    With all this commotion can drive you to madness
    Delving into this cold empty loneliness sea
    I fell for something that felt like forever
    Depended on hope to keep it all together
    Happiness was a means to be felt by you
    At least I could feel someone good too.
    I promised to be your wife type.
    Maybe Iíd be permanent life type
    I needed that shit to solidify
    Even if itís just a minor lie.
    Thrills of the heart and lies in the eyes.
    Maybe if you saw me trying youíd try me
    Try to see
    Make me your hayati. Your heavenly.

  2. #2

    Re: Sadness freestyle

    Your poem is nice. I can't understand how to do Can anyone help to do this?

  3. #3
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    England, Liverpool
    Battle Record

    Re: Sadness freestyle

    Heartfelt and straightforward. I liked the AB rhyme scheme in the first few lines. That really helped it stand out. A more complex use of vocab would help the emotion shine through but the sincerity of it was obvious. Would've liked to have seen it go on longer and have some compound (multi-syllable) rhymes too but I reckon you've got potential and originality. Keep on posting.


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