ToyBox

[The Gwapfather]

I really liked the concept and how you delievered it here man, just at times I would have liked to see better word phrases/choices, like at the end I thought you could have ended it deeper then "is my new chilling spot".. but at the same time, you had that kind of feel through out with the "im not cool anymore", it was just different as at times it was really deep, then at other times simplistic like that, which actually fit even better in a way, as the theme/concept here was a toy talkin to a child, so you delivered good emotion when needed, but brought it back to a more simplistic route to keep the concept "real" persay, so overall I enjoyed the read for sure, could have used a pinch more imagery, but the emotion made up for it..

[Achroite]

Nice original idea!
Kind of reminds me of Toy Story.

"Feels like I been tossed out a window or fed to a puppy."
Nice simile, give off a good image of how it must of felt.

It's a very smooth read, looks like you made an effort in keeping to the same amount of syllables.
Think this could use more imagery in some parts, feel like it could of painted a better picture at times, but that's not a big thing.

Overall this was entertaining, and I'd love to see more original ideas like this!

[ItoldUIwasFat]

im mad that this was emotional. feeling old and left behind and abandoned. who wouldve ever thought it would be from the perspective of a toy. reminds me of toy stories plot but this was solid dog. vocab coulda been stronger but you tackled the emotional swing very well. i look foward to seein more from you... stay up

godam as soon as i read the first couple lines thats what i thought...toy story lmao..

its not a bad thing, this was actually a really deep and emotional piece..honestly i wasnt expecting that shit which turned out to be a pleasant surprise.
as far as the content goes, dope ish mang nothing really stood out as bad just personal preference i guess. the flow was outstanding which is something i gravitate to alot when reading OM's...dope ish mang

[Voyce Box]

thanks for the feedback, dudes.

[IVIario]

This was mad original dude. I was digging the flow and the concept. I know it sounds lame but, sometimes I feel emotional about my old toys and shit, cause they were a big part of my childhood. Real talk, you put that emotion into words that I was feeling. Props.

My fave lines were these

Feels like I been tossed out a window or fed to a puppy.
I thought we'd last forever together, I thought you loved me!

I'll always love you though, if you ever need me again.
No matter how many times you let go, I'll always be your friend.

I love those lines. Mostly because they can apply to many things in life other than toys. But good shit man.

RTF if you got a minute. http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...945/index.html

[Voyce Box]

thanks for the feedback

[Voyce Box]

upping for more feedback..

[F63]

You don't gotta RTF to me, because I'm not really feeding this honestly, I just wanted to ask if this was inspired my Toy Story 3? (seriously, just wondering). Read the first few lines and that's what it reminded me of.

[Voyce Box]

nah, i was cleaning my daughters room, that's when i started thinking about it...
when i was putting the toys in the box, i seen a toy i gave her for Christmas and noticed it hasn't been played with for awhile..
i started wondering to myself, "damn, what if a toy had feelings? how is this toy feeling right now?"
so, yeah, that's basically what happened, so i wrote about it.
i already returned the feedback to ya awhile ago, just saying.

[Voyce Box]

thanks all again and UPPING one last time....

[Heaven]

This was a prett good piece. Lines were a bit stretched, flow was throwing me off sometimes but over all I could have been the way I was reading it. Thais piece hit hard and was a good read. Hit me in that special place ahah
Peace

[Voyce Box]

thanks for the feedback

[Heaven]

thanks for the feedback

no problem bro