Random shit i've wrote

[Kreatik]

i see the future whispered in the haze
a maze of words, positioned obscurely from my gaze
the infectious wound, created by our ignorant ways
destroying the waves of conglomeration
to form a nation of impurity, for the anti-deity
but to me, it be a vision of unity,
brought to you, by meaninglessness to create a mess
and test the masses, and enforce those best blessed;
summoning the ritualistic mentality of the inferior morality
and smite the rightful rulers of eternity

the illusion of fate, in reality transcribes the past
in other words; what you envision for your future creates your history
so it's no mystery, why we murder our brothers, we're selfish. hateful rulers of eachother.


my position is microscopic, chemical imbalances in my brain makes me psychotic
it's erotic, the way i grip mics
leavin them twisted, creating blistas
death before dishonor, death before birth
i wasn't born in a hospital, i was born in a hearse
but worse from a decaying womb, a resurrected pre-fetal organism brought to life
despite gods wishes, the devils son was born

[Android]

Just fed a really long poem so quite glad to see this is short, no offence. lol Well firstly the multi's in the first 2 lines are not really needed but took more from the piece than it gave as it felt to me like you was trying too hard to rhyme. I thought there was some good lines mixed in here though, such as the 'enforce those best blessed' wasn't feeling the last part much at all as you took a fairly okay verse to start with and made the whole piece cliché by putting this verse behind it and bragging in a sense. Another thing I noticed is the phrasing through-out, it looked like you shoved a lot of big words in there for the hell of it. No hate, this is honestly my opinion of the piece. Stay active and improve. You also need 2 links to pieces you've left feed back on posted in this thread otherwise the mods will close this.

[Kreatik]

Lol, i didnt really want critique, but thanks. Just some random shit i wrote.

I don't really understand though, it's 3 different things. lol.

The first one is a poem type thing. It takes a lot of interpretation and critical thinking, i think, to understand it. Me and my friend did a translation of it and it took up like 7 pages. LOL.

but thanks for the feedback

[Mantra]

You also need 2 links to pieces you've left feed back on posted in this thread otherwise the mods will close this.

this.

[ItoldUIwasFat]

this had a good vibe to it...i mean i read your poem and i didnt see to many mistakes...i mean it flowed good and it had a purpose...for random thoughts lol...i dont see why the firstto lines took from your piece, but it did seem like you tryed to hard...but overall man this was a good read...