KING (2-1) vs. Cry (2-2)

[Brandon Cee]

Rules and Regulations

Good Luck!

Picture Topic

http://i45.tinypic.com/10zu6ps.png

[Cody Nash]

yup.

[Soule]

wtf @ that topic...

[Cody Nash]

Training the Heart
By: Cry




He's about to play me, by usin' his dukes for making me pay dues
but I'm about to play me, too.. something amazing to blaze through
something to take me away (blues), each mistake in disarray
two hands come down.. and I create a place in which I stay
and say fuck saving face -- I'd rather him beat that..
than to watch him take away the only owners these strings have
each hand, the perfect getaways when I'm finding it hard
dying to part.. plucking each string to bring me Hawaii at dark
simply combining the art with a form that's best kept
in a classy box underground... sportin' a deathbed
'cause he's more than a best friend, a companion, or lover
he's also that thing that keeps me grabbin' for covers
and gaspin' when smothered, once passion's discovered
laughin', that fucker, sayin' being with me is like havin' my mother!!
but attacked by this monger? I still find that place
in fact, the dark's the only thing to pass a light that way

imagine what it's like
to have a mind at bay.. and never know you could use it
'cause I recall, before him.. I never wrote some good music
if I spoke, I looked stupid -- I was useless and average
and I couldn't woo a crowd with unlucrative habits
now the blues are what happened, abounded quite drastic
they ripped/twisted my heart, then founded my talent...
now astounded by ballads, I ring true to their feelings
my heavy heart's the same one that moved through the ceilings
assault with a deadly weapon -- the tattoos are concealing
as my conscience blocks every pass threw to the healing...
fan's moving to steal me, their respect warms the cold parts
they cheer for my pain, which is death for my whole heart...
dumping depth where the holes are, no more making me lose it
the man of my nightmares was thankfully movin'
inching further and further, like it stang me to do this...
I remember waiting at the station, where they trained me to lose him.


http://i45.tinypic.com/10zu6ps.png

"The beautiful thing about learning..
...is that no one can take it away from you"
- B.B. King

[Soule]

Music is her passion...

http://i45.tinypic.com/10zu6ps.png




Sitting on a bench, she's drenched in the pouring rain,
living outside, she's the reason why the morning came.
With every string she plays, her dream's safe in sound,
because everyday, she turns gray into a painted cloud.
In her lonely life, there's only light, no malice and pain,
but at night, she almost feels just like Alice in Chains.
It seems like she's down in a hole, her soul can't breathe,
while she's unknown, small and cold with a damn disease.
There's no retreat, as beauty begins to appear worthless,
something deep in her seems to creep among the surface.
The need for purpose, she seeks a home but can't find it,
she's about to give up; as the casket shuts, she's blinded.

Sitting in his room, he's consumed by the soothing high,
the abused drug enters his blood, he sits in a tuning vibe.
Singing in his bed, in his head, he's the next Hendrix,
but without rest; and his breath starts to get winded.
He circles in a purple haze, today; he's going to die,
falling into the eternal grave, he prays for his new wife.
Who waits outside, pregnant; unaware of his demise,
she was going to tell him... it was the greatest surprise.
But on the worst of nights, she'd find him face down,
with no light, just a broken pipe and his veins out.
She checked his pockets, and luckily, he held green,
thirteen dollars, a preacher's collar and a wedding ring.

When she had the kid, she'd forgotten about music,
quit doing cocaine, and spent everyday in profound ruin.
Couldn't look at the child with a smile, let alone a smirk,
but she knew he would be useful, and named him Kurt.

Congratulations Mrs. Cobain.

[sILLable]

cry-i liked your piece alot..i think the concept was cool..you of course stayed on topic and wrote a piece that adhered to the picture very well...your rhyme scheme was real nice..very fluid..worded nicely..vocab was on point..nothing stretched or short..you really played off the girl in the picture well...you didnt stray from using only her..and you played off the emotion on her face as well..crafted a nice story around it..which is really just a solid SS piece..nothing i dont like about the piece..very fitting..nice job.


dagel-i also liked your verse.as far as fluidity goes,it read very smoothly..you had some decent vocab and nice rhyme scheme..i think you played off the topic farely well and you through in extra elements that werentin the picture to try and give the story more elements and depth..which was decent....your first line...

Sitting on a bench, she's drenched in the pouring rain,

..she wasnt sitting on a bench or even slightly wet from any rain..so i didnt like the opener..that and your wording in some places..

while she's unknown, small and cold with a damn disease.

...i didnt like how you used damn before disease...poor choice of words is all...i dont like the ending..if they were married and he died and she found him..why would she go through his pockets and "luckily find green"?was she gonna rob him after he died.either way just a few things i didnt like..your piece didnt seem rushed but it didnt seem polished..read over..not a bad piece though.

vote-cry

[Northern Beggar]

for writing to something that may NOT have been the topic of choice...i think yall did very well.

cry: was that wordplay in that last line? anywayz, this verse, i think, was one elaborate metaphor; instilling human quality into a guitar, i believe. Some nice play on words that r a bit subtle but was pretty cool:

now astounded by ballads, I ring true to their feelings

the first four line had a very subtle rhyme scheme especially that transition from disarray to 'two'. the imagery was great in this. the poetry of the langauge really enhanced the imagery of the verse:

each hand, the perfect getaways when I'm finding it hard
dying to part.. plucking each string to bring me Hawaii at dark

I think the only problem with this piece was that every now and then there were some awkward wordings:

as my conscience blocks every pass threw to the healing...

^^ i think i know what u mean, but the wording was weird somehow.

The Saint: cool piece. a sorta biographical thing on kurt cobain. What i liked about this was that u were able to speak from different perspectives. however, it did caused some confusion. In the first stanza, i wasn't sure which perspective you were speaking from...was it kurt's mother or was it courtney love? the 2nd stanza was obvious kurt and the 3rd being his mother. the imagery to the verse was ill and mechanics was cool also. i liked the purple haze/hendrix and alice in chain reference lol.

like i stated at the intro, for a couple verse written to a topic that may not have been yall choice of topic, i thought yall did great. equally creative, i thought, as one was an allegory about music and the other being a semi-bio about grunge pioneer, Kurt Cobain. this is pretty difficult choice to make because despite difference in approach, there were similar results. flow were about equal, wording were both decent and imageries was, again, about equal. but in the end i had to make a decision and i'm gonna go with Cry the reason is that it simply held my interest more. Where there was a bit of confusion with the saint's piece, Cry expressed himself more clearly with his piece. good battle guys.

vote - cry

[Ink Edible]

Good stuff from both...

Cry - Good piece incorporating the 'feelings' of the guitar...good steady build up to your piece until the final line. Multis were pretty solid for the mostpart, some were eh, because of the forced wording, but mostly they were on point. Good take on the picture, by taking the guitar, when the girl looked more like the center attraction or the girl+guitar, and you too the guitar, nicely done. I also likehow you ended at the scene of the picture, real cool.

Saint - Nice semi-biographical piece...was unsure about some of the info especialy in the last stanza...maybe I'm just critical because I read a couple bios/books on him, but with that disregarded, none of your stanzas really connected. they seemed to scattered and had (seemingly) no center of direction...Your writing schemes were cool, never forcing a multi, and also stretching rhymes through the lines which I also like to do such as this:

He circles in a purple haze, today; he's going to die,
falling into the eternal grave, he prays for his new wife.

^These schemes always tend to be looked over, since it's not the conventional multis all connecting at the end...

Vote - Cry
Simply because his piece had more direction, and also did a little more with the topic...Saint's had the potential to be dope, but I jut got lost in the mix, and even forgot about the topic because it seemed to stray.

[_Lyrics]

cry- i felt like you concentrated most of your verse on the character building and had a really emotionally connected piece, the fitting words you used were pretty tight, I liked the hawaii line and pretty much the whole 1st verse i felt was really nice and connected with the picture very well. i think you fell off a little bit toward the ending of the piece, but you did one hell of a job with characterization in the first verse... the imagery at times was pretty vivid too, your pulling it together man..

saint- lol a piece about kurt cobains parents huh? idk his mother or much of his childhood like that so i cant say much about the validity of what you were talking about, i can say that the flow was pretty nice and i thought some of the lines were pretty clever like the alice in chains line being that one of his connections.. nirvana is a cool band but i think the connection to the picture itself seemed shaky at times but the overall concepts was unique and an interesting read..

saints read was pretty cool, but i seen cry striving for it more, i was feeling more of his content and flow
v/Cry

[SMZ]

cry - feels like your stretching... this was much better than previous weeks... there were still spots where i wondered what you were doing, but overall the piece flowed together nicely - liked the tatoo line and a few others - enjoyable piece overall

king - felt a lil more precise than cry's and a lil more stiff as well... the wording was nice for the most part - some of the lines felt like they were a syllable or two off - i really enjoyed your take on the topic tho, thought that was pretty creative, although i don't know anything about the subject matter to know how closely you incorporated reality... still i liked how you handled the story

close match to me... could go either way - i'd vote tie if i could... but since i do see how the other votes already went and i don't think it matters, i'ma say:

v/ King

[Brandon Cee]

Cry wins (3-2)
King loses (2-2)

CLOSED