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Thread: It's A

  1. September 5th, 2009, 10:46 PM #1
    MADDNES53
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    It's A

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    its a

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    the fuel is burning
    but im feeling cold
    what is a contradiction
    feeling young but being old
    inside im crying but my tears wont fall
    im outside and im up against a wall
    im breathless
    and im about to pop
    this sentence is where i should have stopped
    its too late now
    for me and for you
    eyes bloodshot/face turning blue
    what this is about
    havent got a clue

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    its a

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    its over now
    im sorry im sorry
    stop me
    this isnt a nightmare
    its a dream
    the best part is at the end
    its too bad we could have been friends
    its all good, we can always pretend
    i can have a house
    and you can have a mouth
    and we can have a couch
    and we can talk about
    things we did
    and the things that we saw
    and i wouldnt have had
    to feed you through a straw
    to see you slip and fall
    to see you try to crawl

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    its a

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    ha ha ha
    its funny now isnt it?
    your screams are halarious
    violence replaces silence
    tiresome aint it?
    go dig a hole and play in it?
    THINK before just saying shit
    die before calling in sick
    quit before succeeding
    scrambaling all meanings
    fucking with all feelings
    touching on something aint even discovered yet
    exploring the territory/pushing the envelope

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    its a

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    how many times
    how many lines
    enough is enough
    this is just something to do for the fun of it
    thinking's just something we do for the fuck of it
    breathing's just something to pass the time
    pass the rhyme
    pass me a line
    pass me a dime
    maybe some money to eat
    maybe some money to maybe put some socks on my feet
    a dollar to maybe just...
    fuck i just farted

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    its a

    a nightmare a nightmare
    a motherfucking nightmare

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...014/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...494/index.html
  2. September 5th, 2009, 11:36 PM #2
    .Prime.
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    Re: It's A

    This was waaayyy too simple.
    I mean rhyming ends with friends isn't really complex. This might have sounded better as audio but this is text so I'mma review it lyrically. I didn't like how your repeated "nightmare,nightmare" it got annoying after a while.

    Try to be more complex with your rhymes. All I could tell from this is that you where just trying to seem deep while writing this and I really didn't get much of a message.

    [YOUTUBE]-0zEwdAF-gc&feature=player_embedded[/YOUTUBE]
  3. September 6th, 2009, 01:34 AM #3
    MADDNES53
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    Re: It's A

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    its a

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    ive woken up
    what time is it?
    what is a contradiction
    being real but never being born
    inside im crying but my tears wont fall
    im outside and im up against a wall
    am i dreaming
    im about to wake up
    this sentence is where i should have stopped
    its too late now
    for me and for you
    we've crossed the threshold
    we now know what this is about

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    its a

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    its over now
    the slaughters begun
    im inside your nightmares
    and in control of the sun
    its a dream
    the best part is there is no end
    its too bad prime pulse we could have been friends
    its all good, we can always pretend
    you had constructive criticism
    you had an opi-ni-on
    hows that for complex rhymes?
    im a fucking phy-si-cian
    im taking you apart for that bullshit reply
    dont answer back you fucking faggot
    do me a favor and die

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    its a

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    ha ha ha
    its funny now isnt it?
    your ignorance is halarious
    how deep is the abyss?
    and fuck rapbattles for censorship
    2 replies to a thread that dont even get read
    THINK before just saying shit
    how's that for a message?

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    its a

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    how many times
    how many lines
    enough is enough
    this isnt just something i do for the fun of it
    you faggots dont care
    you faggots beware
    dont respond to my shit if you aint even feeling it
    do me a favor
    save yourself the effort and dont even feel this shit
    just crawl into a hole withouht even believing it

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream

    its a

    a lucid dream a lucid dream
    a motherfucking lucid dream
  4. September 6th, 2009, 11:39 AM #4
    EllJay-B
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    Re: It's A

    hey,
    You seemed to repeat things, made it seem simple. Primepulse pretty much got everything but you need to make things more complex if your gonna write a good piece. The repeating of nightmare lines did piss me off by the end but i think that would be a good intro and a way of finishing it, but you over done it. And like Primepulse said, what was the message? It just didnt seem to make sense. Keep writing, more complex rhyming and a good topic and you should have a good piece!
    No matter where you go, you are what you are playa - Jay-Z
  5. September 6th, 2009, 05:36 PM #5
    Cody Nash
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    Re: It's A

    closed. stop posting more work after the initial post.. its just sloppy.
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