Through Perception.

[Miho]

it was all in the eyes
the way her reflection danced
around in shadows,
swaying back and fourth,
he always captured all that
was her beauty and held it
there for his aching.

still he longed to dream
more of her in daylights eyes to
captivate the perfect contour of
her lips as they curved in laughter,
beauty glowing for miles blurring all
that were around except for them.

even in death he wished to
preserve her virtue, eyes
shut permanently face forever
etched to the inside of his eyelids,
for her he smiles - eternally.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...514/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...407/index.html

[HeroLike]

very eloquently put. you put a simple concept & crystallized it with an emotional touch.
its short but crisp in value.

i am nominating this.

[Spekz.]

Obviously a very used concept...but Love poems will never grow old...

Basically, your first stanza was pretty good..but I thought the wording towards the end of it was a bit cluttered. I woulda reworded it a bit, or/and added some extra punctuation to make it more fluent and easy to read...

Second stanza was dope - the imagery and emotion where very nice. Easily the highlight of this piece.

Third stanza although predicted...captured the emotion of death and love as one very well. and I thought the "etched inside his eyelids" couple lines there..where also very nicely done..finishing the piece strong.

This was EXTREMELY short and to the point, concept although about love (and that will never not happen) was still bland ..but the imagery/emotion was displayed greatly none the less.

[Soul Slayer]

I'll have to start of by saying that this piece was beautiful. You captured bothe imagery and emotions and provided the best blend in all three stanzas. The death concept is really played but who cares about that. Poetry has been around for centuries and almost every thing is played. For a short piece this was wonderful.

still he longed to dream
more of her in daylights eyes to
captivate the perfect contour of
her lips as they curved in laughter,

Your wording was sublime and this made for a coherent piece. I don't know but my gut tells me that i should nominate this piece. Thanks once again for a very interesting poem.

[Soul Slayer]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...425/index.html

[SMZ]

"he always captured all that
was her beauty and held it
there for his aching"

that is pretty much perfect - could've ended the piece there even... captures a truth about how love feels

"beauty glowing for miles blurring all
that were around except for them."

another true element, although not expressed as perfectly as the first...

"for her he smiles - eternally"

a novel image conveyed by that stanza - depending on the readers beliefs prolly means more or less to ppl

[Frank P.]

.....interesting.

-10

[Bruce Ban-again]

I have no critique as I feel this is fine the way it is.

In fact, I would simply like to thank you for the experience you've provided in allowing me to read this.

-

[topher]

this was short and simple, which i like. i never like to judge the choice of topic so even though its a love poem it still appeals to me because the quality of this one was sweet and simple. the emotion was very heartfelt and thats a huge factor for me. i enjoyed the read

[iLL sPoKeN.]

I can't complain about anything, you worded it perfectly and I loved it.
Great imagery, may be a played/over used concept, but I liked it regardless.
You painted a perfect picture regarding his love for her, even to the death.

I could quote this entire piece but this part stood out for me the most..

even in death he wished to
preserve her virtue, eyes
shut permanently face forever
etched to the inside of his eyelids,
for her he smiles - eternally.

Perfect; ^^

I'd like to see more from you, PM me some links and I'll feed those as well.

RTF? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...032/index.html