The Diss part 1

[Arkiem]

I wrote this for an inidvidual who can't be named because its worthless and he's a disgrace. This person reckons that he can wipe me off the face of the earth with lyrical dissing but this cat is taking a pissing so I'll put this out to him and make him learn that if you challenge Arkiem youo gonna get burned.


So here it is.

I stood back from the rain, theres no time to play
when people piss me off cos things ain't going their way
this aint no game, i'm only trying to live for today
I hear them say let's try to make Arkiem go insaine
their on a f***ing mind trip they want to pick my brain
till I pull out my tech 9 and start to spray
with my tech 9 on my hip i'll make this quick
I'll put a hole in your chest and then I'll take the piss
You think that Arkiem, don't know how to spit
I'll stay criss when a nigger tries to diss
your a fucking disgrace, I'll put a hole in your face
then bury your body till forensics can't find a trace
and use your leg bones to make a mo'f**king cane
when I'm done they'll never ever find your grave
times up, man I don't give a f**k
you think your tough but this dudes gonna get rough
i'll feed your body to the lions and make them eat you up
and when i'm done with your girl she'll say i can't get enough.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rs-387367.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-387775.html

[The_Phantom]

dude ur rhymes are basic

[kami.kaze]

this was wat too basic, i haven't got anything to compare it to but i'd like to see what the other dude put out to you, but i agree with phantom it's too basic, i liked the flow you need some multis internals and metas, but over all it was all right not something that would make it anywhere serious but it would get you noticed but definently good to put out there, i think you should leave the audios for the studio tho, it would have sounded better recorded over a beat rather than typed....

I'll put a hole in your chest and then I'll take the piss
You think that Arkiem, don't know how to spit
I'll stay criss when a nigger tries to diss

i would have done that differently more like this
i'll put a hole in your chest then piss where you rest.
if you think i don't know how to spit...
i'll make ya criss cross if you try to diss off.
lyrical momentum kinetik energy...
count down to lift off.
then dropped it right there, but it's your work you can choose what to do with it i am only making suggestions and trying to help you better your current skills no disrespect.
hit up my newest post
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6823097

[The Genesis]

obviously simple and elementary, needs alot of work in terms of actually dissing, this could've been aimed at anybody, get a lil more personal with it if you want to have some sting, research whoever you're dissing, get some dirt, and use that creativly.

"I'll stay criss when a nigger tries to diss"

^lol I really hope you're black, saying 'nigger' wouldn't fly otherwise.

[Arkiem]

U can bet your last dollar I'm Black! but thanks again for your feed well apperciated and I'll still try to improve on the writing game.

[kami.kaze]

but i'll tell ya what arkiem i'll battle ya just for fun no harm done just for the hell of it i'll set it up and erry thing alright then message you with the link

[fazeT]

shit was iight
flowed ok
back to the drawing board