Frozen Tears

[Agony.]

Frozen Tears
By Accurit Phacts


A girl With Broken Dreams and invalid epiphanies, with no feelings to Stir
Having no Choice but To Listen to every wrong thing the Doctors told Her
Day by day She stares at the School next to the hospital, where the kids Play
Always Blinded by fear, she Cries her last tear, now’s there’s nothing to Say
“Anytime you could die”, is what the they tell her, Awaits her deaths final Kiss
Injected by needles to find the cause, All was Failed attempts to cure her Illness
No medicine was provided; Inventions are Needed To progress regulations we Pleaded
As Gods Creations we Bond, But Not even god could provide the Attention she Needed
In Time: Week by week its Depressing when it rains, Parents are gone, Free of Strain
But She can only walk with a Cane, Suffered from poverty, but she Dies from the Pain
Frozen Tears on her face, who can help this 12 year old girl, She’s Alone in this Place
So she carries Her fate, No saving this stray, so we forget about her Misfortunate case
A walking Dead corpus, Death was her culprit, in Reality what He decided Could be
No matter how much she would plea, Horrible things would keep happening to thee
Hospitals Pray for the girl, Losing there patients, Even sick, She’s surrounded by Hating
Death she was facing, Struggling as she thinks of the last breath she would be taking
Shaking in her Sleep every minute just dimmed, To her every second Looked Bleak
Attention spans would leak; Day by day this little girl would Just keep getting Weak
Then it Happened, Mists of a fogy afternoon, It was a Cold day to a Innocent Sinner
Frozen Tears melted, Her soul arose from her body and it became warm in the Winter
A free soul from a trapped body was gone, now the Girl could rest finally rest in Piece
Settled and eased, Every one ignored her death decease and Could care Lesser then Least
To them, She was just a gone cause, Ment nothing, just flushed down the forsaken Urinal
Frozen tears, forgotten, But the sad part is, No family or friends, Came to Her Funeral.

[Agony.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11406&posted=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-386858.html

[Westcoast]

Really decent and basic rhyme piece that makes it easy for most of the people here to read and understand. You stayed on topic and used multies and basic clear rhymes. The line that stood out to me the most was:
To them, She was just a gone cause, Ment nothing, just flushed down the forsaken Urinal
Frozen tears, forgotten, But the sad part is, No family or friends, Came to Her Funeral.

Keep it up man Scytsophrenia's Up.

[Bstill]

i was lookin over your shoulder while you were writing this piece i think the rhyme scheme you had was pretty basic but you made up for it with descriptive story telling and the emotion was built up nicely in this piece i would just work on the wording you used in this a lil bit more and try to have inner rhyme scheme but overall a nice track

[Agony.]

up..

[Isn't That rydinoldskool?]

Solid piece. Like the topic and the emotion.... Very interesting read.

[Soul.]

sup rydin

fancy meeting you here.

[Isn't That rydinoldskool?]

Oh damn is this the legendary 'Soul'??

[Soul.]

haha

Legendary, not so much...

Soul? yes

[Isn't That rydinoldskool?]

Haha good to see you here. RRG = Fail.

This is an active site... Terrible people with mod powers but the site is active.. Voting is terrible also.

[Soul.]

ya i dont intend to be doing much text battling anymore anyway.

More writers block stuff.

[Isn't That rydinoldskool?]

Yeah. Post some of your stuff here I bet it will be well received.

[Soul.]

ya i posted up 3 pieces in the crew section, see if anyone was interested.

I'll prolly stick it up in open mic in a sec.

[Arkiem]

This is a decent peice I like the descriptive point of veiw on this lyrics and think your multis was good. You stayed on point and on the topic in hand but the punch lines have to be stronger to get the point across. Good work look forward to your next piece.

[Agony.]

ty up