Above Decembers Cloud FT. Tactixx

[Tactixx]

wow....thanx for all the feed guys......up...

[IconIQ]

reservin this spot for ya feed dawg, sorry i aint got at this before i ain't had much time. ill edit this tomorrow mornin wit real feed.

edit:

aight, first off i liked the take on death. it was nicely approached from a fairly fresh angle from the both of you. you both worked the message of your verses together very well, and its easy to spot the cohesion.

bilayer -

"My end's only one step away.. today there's no steps to take
Pretend that my life's changed.. when i know these dreams are fake"

nice couplet with a very clear picture of the turmoil.


"A sacrifice to anger and agony.. Sunshine hides from me
Scream while in danger and insanity.. Time slowly swallowed me
After I've fallen off and my tempers flame is blown out
I'll still walk lost, beneath Decembers rain, above the clouds..."

i like the way you capture that while everyone is perfectly aware of their ever-imminent and pending death, it still drives them mad and they try to hide from it and avoid the inevitable outcome.

tactixx -

"On a plateau of my own I lined the clouds with silver alone
the stars I outshone while I place my quill through the stone"

oh hey, positivity lol. nice way to express your commitment to, and joy you take from writing.

"a spark had grown but the dreams that I saw are slipping away
the golden chalice that I once sipped from pits and decays"

heh then you flipped it back on that. again on the draw of time, nice cross referencing.

"Now destiny decides that I must ride with the stars in the sky
Carve my name in time, Inscribed with the acid tears that I cry
for those who remember and scream my name to the heavens aloud
see what may have been.....as I look down from Decembers cloud"

everyone wants to leave their own little mark on their 'somethin special', and to be revered for it, or at least be recognized. cool.

to both - i have to say, some of the lines were worded pretty odd, flow wise, it stilted a little in several places. but as always, you may be able to pull it off with it sounding smooth.

overall, it was a nice take on the death theme, and i liked it being kinda abstract. 1

[Bstill]

Thank u for the feed

[Tactixx]

up....

[Joseph Grey]

Sorry for returning the favor so late... thanks for feedin' on my Oops piece.

anyways, here's my feed...

Nice collab, i liked how you connected each other's verses and took different perspectives. The poetic language was everywhere in this piece and it flowed smoothly and was clear to me. I think that some parts felt too poetic, like it lost that topical style and the rhyme-scheme from Bilayer was just a bit too simple and flowed off, but Tact had a more complex rhyme-scheme so as a total, since its a collab, it makes up for it.

Follow the fingers tips into the skies blue abyss
Fly through your stubbornness and leave the clouds ripped
See the other side.. where all the others write and recite
Hear an angel's cry, enter the world of apocalyptic fights

^I really like the way this whole piece started, it got me interested.

See through the smoke and mirrors I produce and fight for truth
pry the knots loose at night when I want to tighten this noose
enlightened with clues I search and look to the sky for answers
blue turns to black as it's swallowed by sickness and cancer

^dope shit here, except for maybe the sickness and cancer part, kinda thru me off like it came out of nowhere as if it were forced, but it was decent.

overall, not a bad collab, keep writing, folks.