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Thread: Your Piece of the Cake

  1. #1

    Your Piece of the Cake

    If there was once a place,
    Where everybody had their own face,
    And race, was no matter to replace.
    And if you were to trace,
    Back to where there was no haste, or waste,
    There'd be no earth left to be graced.
    But face it, you can't retrace it,
    You can only hate it,
    Because everyone has a candle to be left lit,
    And if all you live for is crimes to commit,
    Then you better sit, and remember what I spit.
    You can be the one to emit,
    You can be the one to submit,
    You can be the one to change the world, there's no limit.
    But the way you do it, is yours to fit.
    Take a risk against fate,
    And don't tolerate, any hate or any means to discriminate.
    It's just like cake, you need to be the filling,
    And be willing, to be someone not just the icing.
    You're pacing, when there's no need for retracing,
    You're fading, and there's no time for praising.
    You're gone, and your trace is faded,
    This place that was once your home, is now a place that's hated.
    Because you could've been the one to change it's face,
    And you didn't, so now there's no cake to taste.

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  2. #2
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: Your Piece of the Cake

    post links of feedback or I'll close this...

  3. #3
    Dokusei no ai - 毒性の愛 Blayde's Avatar
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    Re: Your Piece of the Cake

    I found this poem a little too repetitive, Some of it was decent but it fell off in points. i'm not really a fan of the 3 line rhymescheme in poetry it ruins the choice of words you can use. Overall not a bad piece, Mediocre but you have good potential, Join IE and get better.
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