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Thread: i act to offend

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! JUstintime's Avatar
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    i act to offend

    *damn all this commotion people sayin im to serious and dont rap how i act if you think that...then get prepared to be blow away....literally

    *hook* finally my crazy side is out of the noose
    cause spears went back so they let me loose
    im hear to be shakin heads i mean all the disrespect
    f-u-c-k, thats my alphabet

    *verse 1*
    first things first i dominate
    i mean the hate, half all you mcs are fake.
    fake like most girls boobs
    dont act offened cause its probably you
    im hitler of rapping your the jew
    i just gassed your ass and if your fat youll get it to
    cause ur so big damn i cant even move
    go ahead and cry scream and even mope
    ill make it all better put your fingers down your throat
    damn all those twinki and ho ho could defloat a boat.
    and if you do this you wont be so blown up
    youll look grown up
    look at mary kate after she started to throw up wait hold up
    go ahead and tell were all goin to hell
    december 21st, two thousand twelve.
    and fuck the president. fuck this site
    fuck you your junk just ask your wife she said i was good quick dick lick im done
    congratulations please take good care of my son HAHA

    *hook*
    finally my crazy side is out of the noose
    cause spears went back so they let me loose
    im hear to be shakin heads i mean all the disrespect
    f-u-c-k, thats my alphabet


    *verse 2*
    i know this is crazy and distant shit
    r kellys my hero he taught me how to piss on kids i wish he would get aquited from his felony
    then we can have a bunch of gay oj's runnin are country
    which is so reversed that mr oj is standing
    americas not messed up? didnt he get away with killin his family.well just his wife which is allright cuase hes black and she is white
    interatial is worse then gays its just not right JK
    nothins worse then gays if were overpopulated itd be ok to kill one each day
    but wait all the do is suck so much dick
    w/e that means theres more chicks for me to pick out and
    have a one night stand
    call her the next days not part of my plan
    damn that is what fuels the fire
    i guess you didnt know im a pathalocial liar


    *hook*
    finally my crazy side is out of the noose
    cause spears went back so they let me loose
    im hear to be shakin heads i mean all the disrespect
    f-u-c-k, thats my alphabet


    *verse 3*
    alll my shits raw ive been dominated
    but my chances have bern sawed ill never be nominated, for an OM magazine
    which is mostly about "johnathon" and other mcs
    do i care i dont give a s-h-i-t its just me rapping the truth never l-i-e
    i know this rhyme is a crime and hit you blindly
    but the timing was good full of perfect and ease
    im the plague babe the worst disease
    and the worse part is theres no vaccine
    u may be sad but that makes me slap happy
    im acting like an asshole DONALD TRUMP
    im fired from this site the shit will get dumped
    worse then tje investigation on the twin towers
    i may be strong but government has the the most power
    were like dictarots no more democray
    ut what do i know im only 15?


    *hook*
    finally my crazy side is out of the noose
    cause spears went back so they let me loose
    im hear to be shakin heads i mean all the disrespect
    f-u-c-k, thats my alphabet


    *yeah so get pissed of i just fueled your fire but the worse part is u actually liked it*
    Last edited by JUstintime; May 29th, 2008 at 03:11 PM
    JB!

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! JUstintime's Avatar
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    Re: i act to offend

    i know a bit of a crazy not me kinda piece but i act hyper and write more mellow its strange thought id try smething different


    LINKS
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-369056.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ie-368851.html
    JB!

  3. #3
    ... Chrit.'s Avatar
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    Re: i act to offend

    If you are going to write lyrics in song format make sure they flow as such. This would not sound good performed. The syllables and rhyme scheme just wouldnt work.

    Im fine with the kind of braggadocio type lyrics, but they dont work in this format.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! L-Tidus's Avatar
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    Re: i act to offend

    Verse one flowed very well. This paragraph was very consistent and should have set the tone for the rest of this passage. However, verse two's structure/flow was inconsistent. The deliverance of the 3rd verse made of for this and brought the piece back on track. This was an okay piece because you mixed the activities of the site with real world stuff.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! JUstintime's Avatar
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    Re: i act to offend

    upiin sorta clean up 2nd verse upiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
    JB!

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! JUstintime's Avatar
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    Re: i act to offend

    upppppppppppiiiiiinnnnnnnn leve feedback thend send me links to ur stuff so ican feed it
    JB!

  7. #7
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    Re: i act to offend

    Ok I actually thought it was pretty good out of all the first verse was the best you have to make the flow better cause when you record it most likly will not so to good but just keep elevating

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