check this out...heres a different subject i chose

[$MONEYMAN$]

heres a different subject i chose, lemme know if this good

people say she so sweet so quiet she never speak
but theres a secret she keeps shes fulltime on da streets
in and out da house she creeps lil sister just peaks
da girl thats so called sweet slurps skeet out da meat
such a freak but for a treat she doesnt charge cheap
beside unknown people she sleep semen dried on her cheeks
strangers she steady meet but greet em under da sheets
husband doesnt know she cheats hes workin most of da week
her job is givin erections without a choice of selection
has no type of affection for da numerous people she sexin
plus no use of protection so huge chance of infection
prostitution her profession so she always undressin...

just started on this earlier, so far this all, im gonna keep goin on it tho jus wanted to get opinions on it
if its bad lemme kno what i need to work on



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...346745&page=12
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...342635p91.html

[scotsman]

i actually didnt think this was bad, you had decent flow and multies even if they were one sylable rhymes.. this is certain things you could work on though like your vocab but really this was ok..

liked this

her job is givin erections without a choice of selection
has no type of affection for da numerous people she sexin
plus no use of protection so huge chance of infection

....quite funny....well it made laugh anyway

.
.

[Vincent Maestro]

nice to see you actually chose a subject....and I know that elevation is hard without constructive criticism.....alot of kats on here get dickrode nice to see...that you kept writing man...I'll be looking for more from.....
Nice concept that you chose....
fav. lines:

people say she so sweet so quiet she never speak
but theres a secret she keeps shes fulltime on da streets
in and out da house she creeps lil sister just peaks
da girl thats so called sweet slurps skeet out da meat
such a freak but for a treat she doesnt charge cheap
beside unknown people she sleep semen dried on her cheeks
....kinda nasty but you're elevating so thats good......
keep choosing subjects to write on and lett the rest flow....

Rating:6.8/10

[$MONEYMAN$]

up...
ty for da feed glad yall kinda liked it

[Angel Of Light]

I think it was aight for a topi but it just didnt seem like one it seemed more of like someone rappin on the corner wit there friends to see whos better it had good flow and everything just didnt seem like it hit hard from a topi aspect, it was to short to and talkin bout stuff like that is more rap then anything but good job keep rappin u got it nigga

5/10

[$MONEYMAN$]

uppin

member im not done with this