for what we're writing for

[spokenoh]

Poets are losing their collective voice-
all I hear is muffled groans and accented
cries of laryngitis
might this
be
cries for freedom
where your own hypocrisy
chains the spine to the book?

The last time I was moved by words
it was the intonation of a pig's squeal
like the tires of my life
bring stress to a dead end.
A squeal telling me to walk
a straight line through a
late suburban labyrinth.

We're calling bluff on the politics
that inspires us to write a poem
that will make you vote republican,
just so you can write another on
poverty.

Poets waiting for inspiration
to fly through their open window
left gaping like an open sore
for the salt to sting the wound,
and splat into their ceramic Buddhi
in the form of a wingless sparrow.

Poets are lost
mid-sentence.

Commented on "these are my memories" by twixn, and "He invented the metaphor" by Ex.

[Neruda II]

Hmm, this one just didn't hit like your poems usually do. I'm usually dumbfounded when I read your poetry and almost always inspired by your words. This one just didn't do it for me, I saw a lot of maturity in this but nothing really stood out to me. Your lines had a subtle cleverness to them, it wasn't very loud but it was there. Your talent definitely shows, I'm not saying it's not a good poem, it is. I feel that maybe you didn't put much effort into this one? I could be wrong, or maybe I'm expecting too much. It was a solid piece, it had a strong truth to it. A lot of it was blunt, and hit the right spots. I think this would've made a bigger impact if it was spoken because of the hard words and tone used. I've read it over many times, and a few more while writing this feedback. It gets better the more you read it. Thanks for the feed on my piece, glad you're still dropping dude. Hope to see more from you soon.

[Young Dubbs]

Ay Fam true shit just u can do better

[Vincent Maestro]

this was average...you just seemed uninspired
these were my favorite lines..


Poets are losing their collective voice-
all I hear is muffled groans and accented
cries of laryngitis
might this
be
cries for freedom
where your own hypocrisy
chains the spine to the book?

after that its like you ran out of stuff to say
its like you got bored with the subject too fast

[spokenoh]

Thanks for the feed, although I'm not sure if you're picking up on the allusions and metaphors in it. I'll admit it isn't the flashiest poem I've written, but I think tone goes overlooked often. Either way, thanks.

[fastforwords]

i'd like to read something that actually 'hits' ex if this just didn't do it for him because i dug it. i loved the vote republican so we can write another poem on poverty bit. you hit it hard, however in my travels those who write poetry, the liberal minded dont generally vote republican.. the point of it though was loud and clear. i loved your complete writers voice for this, the flow slowed right down in parts (obviously intentionally, looking at one word lines, etc..) and it worked, i liked the way this seemed more spoken, more like journalistic poetry (if i can say something like that exists) you closed it off fantastically, i like how mid-sentence was put on the line lower, it made it actually seem that it was lost mid-sentence, whether intentional or not, the gimmick seemed good.

it's good to see po'ethics reppin' it hard. cheers, mate.

-tik