"Evolution Of Evil"

[Seyance]

Evolution Of Evil

Creation has begun, perfection through the night..
Until an entity awoke to do the opposite of beautify,

Evil was a seed when the dawn had came in
Turned to a weed because they poorly placed it,
But strength showed it was more than basic
It became a tree when the morning faded.
So the 'Evolution of Evil' was orchestrated..
& Every single leaf glistened with morbid hatred,
Fruit so perfect everyone who saw it, waited
Wanting a bite to see how pure the taste is...
Not knowing that the core was laced with
A poison of snakespit effectin' all who take it.


The start of Man's fall from greatness,
& Those who had tasted were all contagious...
God viewed these actions in pure amazement,
Perceptions now of a world, that war created
Seeing few who knew the cure was sacred,
With faith running through the water vapours.
But knowin that man would sure embrace it,
God churned out sea's like it was automated
Cast his Disciples out to lure the faces..
Everyone from the rich to the poor & naked..


They were drawn in by these organ players..
With sweetest melodies made for the saviour,
But alot were against this & the floor debated
People were either angered.. or persuaded..
Man didn't know he could withdraw the matrix
Takin' advantage when they saw his patience,
..Strung him up till he was sore & shaking,
All the wisdom he'd had instore was wasted


On that cross and things changed forever..
We lost a beautiful world we could've made together.

[Seyance]

Uppin.. feedback please.

[Seyance]

Upp.

[Vincent Maestro]

Thiss was ill on many levels...
Rhyme scheme:10/10...it rhymed all the way through and stayed on-topic..thats hard to do sometimes but you've mastered it

Subject:8/10...was kinda religious towards the end it was like you were talking about jesus...overall i think you were claiming satan as the cause of evil

My favorite lines were:
They were drawn in by these organ players..
With sweetest melodies made for the saviour,
But alot were against this & the floor debated
People were either angered.. or persuaded..
Man didn't know he could withdraw the matrix
Takin' advantage when they saw his patience,
..Strung him up till he was sore & shaking,
All the wisdom he'd had instore was wasted


On that cross and things changed forever..
We lost a beautiful world we could've made together.

[Seyance]

Thanks for the feed yo, i'll hit your pieces up.

[Märtyr]

Creation has begun, perfection through the night..
Until an entity awoke to do the opposite of beautify,
This was bland, very obvious. Rather good word placement though.

Evil was a seed when the dawn had came in
Turned to a weed because they poorly placed it,
But strength showed it was more than basic
It became a tree when the morning faded.
So the 'Evolution of Evil' was orchestrated..
& Every single leaf glistened with morbid hatred,
Fruit so perfect everyone who saw it, waited
Wanting a bite to see how pure the taste is...
Not knowing that the core was laced with
A poison of snakespit effectin' all who take it.
Nice multis man, good rythm, and again good wordplacement.
At this point im thinking adam and eve?


The start of Man's fall from greatness,
& Those who had tasted were all contagious...
God viewed these actions in pure amazement,
Perceptions now of a world, that war created
Seeing few who knew the cure was sacred,
With faith running through the water vapours.
But knowin that man would sure embrace it,
God churned out sea's like it was automated
Cast his Disciples out to lure the faces..
Everyone from the rich to the poor & naked..
Pretty good stanza here. Rather basic vocabulary, but man you WORD placement is above average.. that makes me love this piece.


They were drawn in by these organ players..
With sweetest melodies made for the saviour,
But alot were against this & the floor debated
People were either angered.. or persuaded..
Man didn't know he could withdraw the matrix
Takin' advantage when they saw his patience,
..Strung him up till he was sore & shaking,
All the wisdom he'd had instore was wasted
I liked the beginning, that was a clever way to write deception. Another good stanza


On that cross and things changed forever..
We lost a beautiful world we could've made together.
good ending touch.

So this was adam and eve after all, and the downfall of civilization. It's a famous topic, but I think you put a pretty fresh touch on it. Good multis/rythm throughout the entire piece. N' cool wording aswell, like I stated. W/e
pz

[Lay Fear]

This had great vocab..good wording an placement..rhytmn, it flowed well..an I liked the concept even though its not completely orignial. this was a good read..keep writing




rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...il-356242.html

[Gabriel]

Ahh damn! The 1st verse flowed damn near perfect.

Not knowing that the core was laced with

Threw it off by like .02343 seconds.


The whole thing really went well. The rhyming was top notch as well as word use and vocabulary. I really didnt see any flaw in this. The only thing id advise is maybe some more commas cause at times for me to keep the pace I had to draw a breath. Maybe its how I read it. Anyway really nothing much to say other than Amazing!

[Man of Steel Man]

Yeah...this was a good piece...definitely, definitely good piece...lol no in all seriousness...your flow game on this one was way cool<---when's the last time you heard that? anyway...you did real well with the rhyme scheme here...not easy to flow all the way through a piece of this length but you did your thing...the flow had a bit of a de la soul type feel to it a little bit...you had nice imagery as well which made the piece stronger and kept it going...very god work IMO...cheers

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...in-356668.html

^^^hit this link when you can