A True Story.

[Tragedian.]

A True Story…

“this beautiful girl hops out of no where…
…and so this is where life became worth living”

Her smooth face,
I move away & trace,
The beauty pursues me,
As my heart lifts,
I then slowly drift,
To a voice so soothing;
Our eyes meet;
Such a surprise treat,
Looks had my mind beat,
We then greet;
I take a seat,
Hear her speak;
About the guy with the red Nikes,
Suddenly my mind leaves,
My heart speeds, ‘pardon me?’,
She looks with the sweetest grin,
Turn & smile back, my world spins,
As then in fact, my first love begins;


Talking to a friend,
To score her msn;

She gets on, we talk,
The flirting games walked,
She says how bout a movie
I reply ‘that’s my one dream, truly
The love last, Time passed;
But mistakes came fast;

I’m not here for grief
So every mistake, I’ll remove teeth
Anything that proves my love
With out you in my arms…
…….nothing is enough.

Baby I know I’ve cheated
For forgiveness I pleaded
You have my heart & soul defeated,
Don’t you see your love…I need it
You name the song, for you I’ll sing
If I had money, Along with this poem,
Would come a beautiful diamond ring

Now Read Close…

But this next part is all real…
Your reaction will show how you feel
Of all things, materials won’t show it most
When you get down to this line, hold me close
Go to a world, vanish in love and bliss
Now look at me baby…Marisa I need your kiss

Baby From You’re True Love.

- Daniel.

[Tragedian.]

Nothing near my best...just had to write this for myself...handing it to her tomorrow in person...would like some feed though.

[Watch Maker]

faker

[Spoken]

your own wording is off...this isnt topicals DJ... you dont need to rhyme though you do need to be percise on what your saying man.. its like your short lines were just going no where just so up front no adventure man... you gotta grab the original saying and think of a creative way through metaphors on how to make it worth reading..y aknow...how to keep the reader interested cus i was irritated from the way your wording was placed cus it was fucking up your own poem and i couldnt get into it. me for a personal writer fo enjoyment...of rothers to see...its weak but for her and its for HER then it would mean alot...i mean props you would do that but in the future and if you are thinking of coming more into poetry dont use that style cus your killin gyour own poem man...plus side.. you had a nice concept... you kept it with nice emotion and didnt try and force a feeling. just take what i said work your grammer and wording out....much love homie!

props