Heartbreak's Documentary

[TProphet]

Heartbreak's Documentary

Now witness the mental battering
from the shattering of a sweet
illusion that once beamed happiness.
The result:
A couch potatoe, cooked to a crisp,
untouchable even to the most
desperate of people.
TV shining into her eyes
--A square fantasy world
of wishfull thinking-- Feeding
off her naivity.
Look on as shell slowly be
swallowed by the fear of being alone.
Youll notice tears
continuously rolling
down her peached cheeks.
-A reaction
from the sudden change of
scorching temperatures
to sub zero, within
the muttering of an excuse.
'Cos he needs some space
in cramped surroundings
where her past ex's
laugh constantly,
As her spoon digs deeper
into new company.
Burying her shredded soul
underneath mountains of comfort.

[TProphet]

up.

[urban legendz]

Pfft they weren't lieing when they said that you were and is pretty nice on the poetic tip, I enjoyed this piece the storyline was brillant and captivating, your take on this orthodox topic was impressive and very creative, your opener was pretty bold for a piece likke this and yet your metas were nice yet so cliche you should try being a little more original in that aspect of writting poetical piece's like this, trust me it makes it that much more enjoy'able to hear pure and original writtens, your colourful imagery painted the way and enhanced your emotion through out this piece, I really enjoyed this read it was truely a pleasure, thankyou for dropping it by n poetic scriptures.

[urban legendz]

Can you leave some quality feed on this

[TProphet]

thanks

[TProphet]

uppin, loads owe me feed

[TProphet]

last time

[D. Josey]

Soooooo sorry I'm late with the feed, man.

Butttt -

This was a pretty good piece man, and I'm not gonna lie - coming from you I was pretty surprised from the recent stuff you've been dropping, yo. A good vibe, I mean a vibe that I could enjoy in this piece man. I think you pulled off a lot of things well, and the only thing I could say to you is stay consistent. You must as a writer. Don't force it out, but just write when you feel. Good job on this one.

[TProphet]

thanks for the honesty

[Poeta Demonio]

Okay, i like this piece, then again i have always liked your poetic style, The most vivid thing i noticed was that you turned what would appear to be a cliche topic into a fairly origional and unique take on the topic. I just figured it would be a soppy story of soem female leaving your ass, but yeah you suprised me, which i guess is the point of writing, minipulation. The structure was clear, easy to keep track of the story, the internals of the lines didn't stand out to me as much though, other pieces i've read from you have been alot more hard hitting on the imagery and emotion front, but hey this suited this piece. You could have gone over the top with it, but you kept it nice, well done. good piece.

Feed on my new piece please 'behind the painted smile'

cheers man. and thanks for the read.

[TProphet]

thanks, i just went to feed your piece and its loooong lol, but ill get to it soon. wanna have a proper read of it

[Laureate]

Aight true, I love you as a writer, I think you have an amazing way with words. This was very poetic and seamless throughout, my only gripe is that sometimes you fell into a patern of describing things in uncreative ways. Most of your metas were good however and this was defintly nicely done, Props


Feed on this please, yes it's long, but I promise it's worth it
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=328370

[vocabz]

Definitely an amazing piece. You've got incredible writing skills. Stuck on topic very well.. It was very creative.. Very consistent throughout the who piece.. The vocab usage was on point. Not too much and not too little. I've sees alot of people use too much to the point where it sounds forced (not you). Actually I dont think I seen any of your piece.. This may be the first..... Very impressive.. You did good work, man. Stay active... I plan on reading more from you soon.... Thanks for the read...