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Thread: Life is a chess board

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Life is a chess board



    Black’s Move

    I apply mental floss on the doctors orders
    Meditate to get away from the darkest corners
    I blocked these borders, a smile breaks onto my tired gaze
    While I smoke, I hope happiness aint an acquired taste
    Cuz it stands dire and fake, I wanna break my ceramic attired face
    Smash this saran-wrapped porcelain shell
    Before I’m scorching in hell, I’m forced to rebel
    As I take a white, but lose a soldier as well
    Sing a venomous lullaby to my lil girl - aged one
    And collapse in a slump
    -beside my prisoners-

    White’s Move

    Screaming from her crib, my baby awakens
    As I gaze merrily vacant - complacent
    Patient with life, take it one-pace-at-a-time
    Newly bloomed buds are greatly sublime
    I smile….and just lay back and kick it
    Play badminton, black jack and cricket
    Friday - Saturday - Sunday - days of the lord
    Where the face of the board, is outcast
    Like the ways of the sword
    The pawns move forward
    Kings and Queens step aside
    And on one of these days, even the bishops survive
    ------there goes another black------
    Sliced from the knife of the knight
    The whites are ahead, blacks are behind
    But continue to fight, their loss at the back of their mind
    The piece might be dead, but it’s tracks are unsigned

    Black’s Move

    I study my target, feeling so bloody lethargic
    Back at work, and trying my hardest to start it
    Monday has released it’s venom, sunk it’s teeth
    squeezed out every inch of belief
    And replaced it with grief
    ---------------There goes a white------------
    Knocked off the square, onto the pile of the fallen
    I’m down-trodden, as I light up this pollen
    Crowds flow, like locusts to the most impressive bargain
    Youths talk nonsense, in their senseless jargon
    Blacks Pieces crowd my mind, return of the king
    Here to take his throne, murder the spring
    A diagonal move, there’s a pawn at his feet
    Fumes invade my lungs, in a world of elites
    Us common folk, are like murdering cheats
    How did I get here? In this circumstance?
    In the eyes of the system, we’re like worker ants
    --------but the White Queen is still to move----------

    White’s Move

    Drifting silently, hopping over bishops and knights
    The queen moves with ambition and might
    1-2-3-4-5, yes five black pieces, added to the pile
    Ticked off in my brain, registered with my smile
    Pawns, rooks, and bishops alike - stand tall in their plight
    The fallen of white, has begun stalling tonight
    Blacks are outnumbered, soldiers wounded or dead
    As my wife, climbs quietly into my bed
    I look to the ceiling with a warm place in my heart
    For tomorrow there is a new game, just waiting to start

    Checkmate

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  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    Damn, loved this piece... Went wild on the metaphors as you know, i loveeee metaphors! so this piece was like a dream read for me!... I read it like 5 times just to crack the hints and decode it step by step... you took a stupiidddlllyy common topic and brought new light on it... very much the same message as most... but with the twist of how the whole piece was a metaophor and may i say very well placed in every line. The only thing i thing i can flaw personally is at times the flow seemed forced slightly, and the verse transitions were kind of sloppy... just didn't fit as well as maybe it possibly could have... but aside from that, loved the piece. pretty close to perfect in my mind man. You made the piece unique and styled it with an origonal blend of a dark yet informative writing. You really have elevated alot man, as i said, i'm proud young nicca. but i still see some of your word use can be sloppy, which is a trate that may i say has come along way with... you barely do it anymore... you used to just place random lines in the middle of the verse because it fitted with the flow, where as now you take time to place each line to fit the stroy and to continue the story damn near seemlessly. You're a treu story teller bro. And very stylishly done.

    Well done man.
    AI


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  3. #3
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    Thanks dude...upping

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  4. #4
    Legend.
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    Haha this was all you witness this was your drop in SS werent it but all i can say is that this was awesome man...You had everything down the vocabulary tied the piece and i thought the rhymescheme was simple but very effective lol...i enjoyed how you changed the move each verse and overall this was a very good piece stay up man.
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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    yeah nice piece witty. one of the best i seen from you..
    imagery layout was great. flow was on - point..........
    vocabulary was used dopely....bar delivery was smooth.........
    rhymes was cool f'sho. showed good skills on that tip for this shit
    emotion seemed to roll.....

    ive seen a couple of other chess piece pieces but this is better than ive seen before.
    so all in propages on this joint


    the shit is hof


    check my ish-

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325818
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  6. #6
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    thanks dude....upping

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  7. #7
    beyond dope.
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    yea this was some deep shit =D

    i really got touched, and it flowed solid.. the immagery was outstanding for this matter.
    and about the skull... hell yea its: chess.. and not checkers.

    props.

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  8. #8
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    Yep..Wit @ his best pretty much...This piece was flawless..the flow was on point...the concept was very intriguing...and informative....as well...the pic really brought out something extra in the piece...kinda like a mind thing...but overall dope drop....


    Battles I need closed

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  9. #9
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    Thanks to both...upping

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  10. #10

    Re: Life is a chess board

    Well written piece`
    I didn't have a slightest clue who you were.
    I just saw your name on WP so I figured I check you out.
    I'm certainly impressed.
    Keep up the good work.
    I'm too lazy to break the piece down for you.

  11. #11
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    I'm an 05 head....so you probably were'nt around when I joined. but yea thanks for the feed dude, it's appreciated

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  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! niggerican's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    Niiiiiceeee. I liked this alot. Dope imagery especially.

    I was really impressed by the structure, the way it went from white move to black move. Very creative.

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  13. #13
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    I enjoyed the read, strong at points and gripping. I thought you did well with the style and components used, a few areas could have had some extra attention. You did a great job, but I think some of the messages you were expressing could have been stronger, but that is just me. I thought imagery was the next thing that shoulkd have been addressed, but that is only in my opinion. Very impressive work, I mean I can see tons of improvement in your abilites here. I think the concept won me over here more than anything else. The scheme you ran with was better than I remember from you in the past. A bit predictable as far as the word choice, but you did lay out an elevated meter in this peice. Not so much complex but a real nice mix. the technical components were there, and laid down in a well thought out manner. I still think you are better than this though. I dropped a chess game type peice here on RB once upon a time ago in poetic scriptures and was excited to read this once I seen the concept you took. Good work bruh...

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  14. #14
    Stop Frontin'
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    Very effective.
    ^^^
    The use of your words, aswell as the flow and imagery.

    This is an impressive piece.
    You maintained a flawless flow throughout the piece
    with a great choice in words aswell as a smooth transition
    as you switched from piece to piece.
    Also, just like all other good pieces, the ending was pretty
    cool in my eyes, and was a cool way to finish.
    Really cool flip on a common topic dude.
    Loved the hidden meanings throughout aswell.

  15. #15
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: Life is a chess board

    Thanks to everyone that left feed it's very much appreciated

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