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Thread: Reclaimation of a Dream

  1. #1
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    Reclaimation of a Dream



    Smoke. Still and plaguing
    Seeks singularity with the sweat and light
    Of the city before me, obscurring
    West. The White Tank Mountains
    Stand legible, wavering in the
    Heavy Arizona heat. Enclosed, we lie
    This Valley of the Sun, spreading between
    The smooth and craigy peaks, enclosed
    A web of concrete and steel
    A spider of creeping ambition
    A large and foolish creature, amongst
    The saguaro, hawk and desert rattler.
    This city stands testament, to our
    Perceptions of consumption for survival.
    War and peace in invariable reciprocation,
    A cycle born of humane desire, as much
    As our animal nature; to live.
    We cannot simply exist. Materialism
    Purges our souls of contentment,
    Breeding phantoms of the dead and living.
    To the East, as if pushed aside from
    The blue sky, remnants of an ocean storm
    Repose, holding a timeless course
    In quarrell between wind and heat and cold
    No thought or will. Simply existence.

    The Southwest wind
    Veers and tussles through the trees
    Random and irrelevant, moving beauty
    Branches arch and whip in the subtle
    Orange of submersing twilight, while
    Shadows approach the crisp,
    Collective density of nightfall.


    Black, lush and effortless
    Inches over the cooling buildings
    The failing light is chased to the West
    Stars change color through an invisible
    Refracting haze and soot, still hanging
    Reminding us in dreams of our progress
    And repremands. War and technology;
    What is the difference?
    When one thrives, so strives the other
    Hate, malice and power. These base
    Desires, intense and unrelenting; uncontrolled
    A maelstrom wildfire, of red and drunk
    Emotions. "When mankind controlls passion
    So will he control history" In theory
    Possibility is flexible and kind. In practice
    Philosophy is tried and forgotten.
    "Familiarity breeds contempt,"
    As well as truth. At first light
    We will toil, think and theorize again.
    Blood will spill in defense of country
    Earth will cry for wood and creature
    Fathers will bury their sons and,
    Sons will bury their fathers
    Industry will pedal on, the likeness of
    Ourselves. We gods of death and smoke.

    The night, this
    Obtrusion of black, clear and
    Colossal stretches towards
    Orion, Draco, Ursa Minor and Major.
    Dreamers look to the stars, and
    Poets write of them.

    The night, this
    Thick pestilence of hate and war
    And plights of demons and angels.
    This black earth, the unlit purgatory
    Between Heaven and Hell, where
    Poets write still.

    At dawn, a massage of warm ambience
    Beckons my face from the frigid cool
    And windless night. On the horizon lie
    Night and day, black and white
    Entangled as one passion. These elements
    The flesh of Gods and Titans, in love
    At war and peace. Simply existence.
    The stars lose brilliance to a swell of light
    Heat, a wave of conscious. Rayleigh's
    Scattering dyes the horizon, orange and
    Lusting, bright and pulsing. "If night
    Stood vigil for dreams and love
    If day stood witness for war and blood
    Then we have made them so. When
    Shall we shake the discords of our bounds?"
    Light and dark are simply mediums
    To affairs, stages for both acts
    Of righteous and insidious. As I sit
    The whispers and cries of 10,000 dreams
    Fade in acclivity. Lovers withdraw from
    The blanket of night, and day reclaims
    His bloody course, with lash,
    Steed and golden chariot.



    I'll like honest feed I did this during school, and I'll like to know what could've or need improvement.

  2. #2
    artist - writer - muse gémeaux's Avatar
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    I haven't read such unique description is a long time. You have a knack for capturing the essence of things and writing it with clarity. I do feel this is a tad long winded, I think you are a slave to your description when being a little more concise might be more beneficial. Keep it up, I really enjoyed it.

  3. #3
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    thanks anlot,and please leave links.

  4. #4
    artist - writer - muse gémeaux's Avatar
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    Quote Originally Posted by Constance
    thanks anlot,and please leave links.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316814

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316917

    I'm not used to this feed for a feed thing, I just read what I want, but here you go.

  5. #5

    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    Wow, just skimmin' it at the beginning I could tell it was gonna be VERY descriptive. Your style of writing is very visual. You set the mood, and the reader can see exactly what you are trying to convey.
    I agree it was a little long, but sometimes it takes a while to say exactly what you want to.

    The materialism bit was very true.



    Favorite lines:
    Philosophy is tried and forgotten.
    "Familiarity breeds contempt,"
    As well as truth. At first light
    We will toil, think and theorize again.
    Blood will spill in defense of country
    Earth will cry for wood and creature
    Fathers will bury their sons and,
    Sons will bury their fathers
    Industry will pedal on, the likeness of
    Ourselves. We gods of death and smoke.
    Keep it up!

  6. #6
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    thank rise

  7. #7
    Pen'cisely! Authentic.'s Avatar
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    This piece is very.......unique, I've never read a piece like this from an unestablished writer. This is a nice and professional poetic descriptive piece. I was enjoying it because it put me in the mind frame of reading something from Robert Frost.
    Good job, well thought out, I didn't really like the rhyme scheme but overall good job.

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  8. #8

    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    this is very impressive, I haven't read a stanza of yours where I felt you were lacking something. Now I take it this took you awhile in school, but sooner or later I'll see how you really develop as a writer. I look forward to earning your respect as a poet...later on we shall collab if I'm good enough...

    Now

    "Smoke. Still and plaguing
    Seeks singularity with the sweat and light
    Of the city before me, obscurring
    West. The White Tank Mountains
    Stand legible, wavering in the
    Heavy Arizona heat. Enclosed, we lie
    This Valley of the Sun, spreading between
    The smooth and craigy peaks, enclosed
    A web of concrete and steel
    A spider of creeping ambition
    A large and foolish creature, amongst
    The saguaro, hawk and desert rattler."

    *eyes bulge open*

    Damn. that is incredible

    I hope to read more from you soon..

    X-Cellent
    Inspiration X
    "Suddenly it just got serious."



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  9. #9
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    thankz i respect that alot if you think its good enought nominate it as PShof

  10. #10

    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    I sure will
    Inspiration X
    "Suddenly it just got serious."



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  11. #11
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    Closed- too many poems open.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  12. #12
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    Re-opened.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  13. #13
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    uppin i just replyed on all tese other poems and haven't recived 1 since wtf c'mon don't sleep on this

  14. #14
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    don't sleep on this famo

  15. #15
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Reclaimation of a Dream

    Closed by request.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

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