The Bodys Compostion

[Lil J.C.]

the heart hid behind his flesh tissue made of emotion,
the lock cast from deception the door made of devotion,
chains made of dispair and sorrow coated in pain,
a life of regret in time has manufactured the veins,
oxygen a compound of relentless hate and wrath,
blood is fury and the heart soaks itself in the bath,
the bones a mixture of deprivation along with gloom,
the soul a flower of affection that died before it bloomed,
the flesh a hand-me-down from poverty and neglection,
the eyes the key to the heart waiting for resurrection...

leave links ill return the favor

[.......*]

Short and Sweet. I think it shold've been longer and placed in O-M but you did good with this froma poetic aspect. it was well composed and though out. good shit.

[Ryan]

yeah man this was a real nice piece...vocab was tight and the flow was on point the whole time...topic was real nice too..

it was a lil short but it was still nice....based on length i give it a 8.5/10

[P. Mortuus]

Hmmm....:/......this was aight..some parts were very good as they went into great description creating a dope picture...but other parts seemed rushed and sagged the piece quality down. Overall ,i'd say this is a piece that with a little more time and concepts could have become dope..plus 4 more lines wouldn't have hurt either because it was a very abrupt ending. I don't like numbering pieces i hardly ever do...but the other posters have so you may like to see what i think....5/10...reasong being because you know you didn't spend time on this.

Yup i don't mess with purepoetry so a check up would do
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313723

[Lil J.C.]

uppin

[Lil J.C.]

upp

[Spoken]

you did fair in this i mean i aint gonna say that this was the shit seeing as it isnt but you did fair and brought what you could right...anyways this was a nice piece but i just seriously dont like poems that really rhyme cus it sorta makes the emotion of the piece limited and forced at times so.... i have to say next time your write a poem dont necessarily rhyme at the end... just structure your sayin with a nice word process and emotion to set the tone and then figure a way of vocab fitting ya know...anyway's though this was a nice read and could have been brought better but if this is whats brought then this is whats brought and it is a fair and decent read here saint iight so nice drop though...

[Lil J.C.]

upp