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Thread: The Voice Within My Heart (Split Personality)

  1. #1
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    The Voice Within My Heart (Split Personality)




    As I stare into the mirror a task I merely rehearse
    My other side becomes alive as she and I converse…
    Split personality…


    From the Alter-Ego’s Perspective POV#2:
    Now I’ve watched from within as you’ve stayed trapped in
    Skin that you despise being in each day, over and over again
    I’ve felt your pain when they look at you the way they do
    The pain that you hid though it tears you into two
    Tears un-cried that decay your insides but no matter how hard you’ve tried
    In how many people you confide they can’t tell you who you are put your fears aside…

    From My Perspective POV#1:
    Sorry to interrupt but this is a touchy topic to discuss
    I know that “we” means “us” and work together we must but what’s with the fight and fuss…
    Look I’ve got the whole world telling me who I should be
    “Skinny, fat” they even stereotype that, why can’t I just be me personally
    Each day I live to exist to consist of inner truths and myths
    But these people insist I should live for the bliss, try that and this, and I try
    HARD TO RESIST…

    POV#2:
    Yet you’ve lost yourself deep within those lies and broken ties
    To describe you are the perfect example of “those people’s” demise
    You see they don’t want you to be you they only want duplicates
    Of stupid tricks, laughs, and useless kicks, uniqueness is visible so its you they pick
    How’d you let them change you whole outlook on life paralyze
    The view of your eyes, to channel the takeover soon they’ll institutionalize
    Your thoughts and convert you to false doctrine eventually intellectual suicide
    Then you’ll be set a side, as they move on to the next victim of internal homicide
    I’ve got one question… WHO ARE YOU?

    POV#1:
    I’m Genesis the new beginning for a new generation
    One who shows no intimidation to any thoughts of dessinigration
    Profound indication, I am the voice for my kind, mankind
    I redefine genuine, I am the rebirth of past greats intertwined
    I’m great beyond measure, with intelligence I wait to combust
    Treatment unjust to those as superior minded as us
    All I can truly say is IM AFRAID TO BE ME

    POV#2:
    So all you’re doing is talking you don’t want to be free
    I’m proud of you, you know that... see I’ll tell you when they won’t
    So I’ telling you to be the smarter person and do what they don’t
    Listen to me Genesis change your life you’re not another statistic
    When you die you want them to have to do ballistics to prove you’re this sick
    Artistic ways, beauty invoked they’ll be disgusted within the atrocity
    And shocked because you conduct yourself so appropriately

    POV#2:

    True story but I plan on being great I care not to be less
    I refuse to bare seeds who in the future will wear bar codes across their chests.
    I refuse to let small tees or short skirts define me
    I refuse to let my pass weaknesses and failures confine me
    I refuse to grow up carrying a generational curse
    I refuse to feel the need to curse in my verse
    I want to be a woman who can flip it from urban to corporate measures
    Who doesn’t gain knowledge of the world for her own pleasures
    Who lives life to the fullest with no regrets
    My only regrets are the stigma that decisions in the past have set
    I refuse to be a person viewed as temporary
    I plan on planting a seed not for the moment but one that’s legendary
    I REFUSE NOT TO BE ME. I REFUSE TO HAVE A SPLIT PERSONALITY!


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...89#post5231289
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...97#post5231297
    Last edited by ~AbrazaMeTanto~; October 23rd, 2006 at 10:43 AM
    MakinEveryOne Talk!


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  2. #2
    this must be a topical.. felt it, nice read 9/10 vocab was decent and image was there..

  3. #3
    this was all very sloppy man, i had a hard time stomaching the read. for one, a more set syllable count/line length would seeeeriously help you out. the way it is now with some lines wrapping the page and some a very resonable size, it's just a very poor aesthetic and it will sometimes turn away a reader immediately. also, the "POV" thing confused the shit out of me until i finally got it half way through the piece and figured out that it meant POINT.OF.VIEW, but, it would just be a lot easier if you defined each by one: regular and one: itallics or some shit like that. all of this stuff will make it a lot easier on the reader and you'll get more feedback in the end. as for the actual content of the piece, it was average. good sequence but the rhyme scheme was very basic and ultimately the imagery was very flimsy and the piece was in desperate need of some strong metaphor and heart felt emotion. so, work on those things man.

    if you would, Abstanti Collective's newest collab ...
    "Anathema"
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  4. #4
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    thankz atticus... uppin...
    MakinEveryOne Talk!


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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by atticus
    this was all very sloppy man, i had a hard time stomaching the read. for one, a more set syllable count/line length would seeeeriously help you out. the way it is now with some lines wrapping the page and some a very resonable size, it's just a very poor aesthetic and it will sometimes turn away a reader immediately. also, the "POV" thing confused the shit out of me until i finally got it half way through the piece and figured out that it meant POINT.OF.VIEW, but, it would just be a lot easier if you defined each by one: regular and one: itallics or some shit like that. all of this stuff will make it a lot easier on the reader and you'll get more feedback in the end. as for the actual content of the piece, it was average. good sequence but the rhyme scheme was very basic and ultimately the imagery was very flimsy and the piece was in desperate need of some strong metaphor and heart felt emotion. so, work on those things man.

    if you would, Abstanti Collective's newest collab ...
    "Anathema"

    geesh..it wasnt that bad at all...this piece had tons of emotion in it^^^^wtf...but anyways..i really enjoyed reading this piece because i did this type of concept a long time ago which brung back memories...lol...but yea your vocab was very nicely placed with lots of imagery..


    POV#1:
    I’m Genesis the new beginning for a new generation
    One who shows no intimidation to any thoughts of dessinigration
    Profound indication, I am the voice for my kind, mankind
    I redefine genuine, I am the rebirth of past greats intertwined
    I’m great beyond measure, with intelligence I wait to combust
    Treatment unjust to those as superior minded as us
    All I can truly say is IM AFRAID TO BE ME
    i liked that passage best...it was very well thought out and you used a couple nice multies...
    overall this was a very good piece...keep it up...

  6. #6

    Re: The Voice Within My Heart (Split Personality)

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