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Thread: I'm New...critique me

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    I'm New...critique me

    This is for all you racist mother fuccers
    Who think just cuz im white//and I haven’t served time
    That I cant spit rhymes…

    Im 18 years old//and im whiter than when its snowing
    If you don’t like me//you can get to know me or blow me
    Im mowing over you phonies//by myself//no homies
    Im not serious enough for this to be beef//this shit is bologni

    Fasten your ass to your seats//im a lone lyrical assassin
    Taken whole sheets of acid//till I think im skiing in aspin
    poppin handfuls of asprin//rapidly becoming so placid
    I don’t give a fucc//about you wannabe’s rappin
    You make-believe that your sicc//but you succ dicc at acting

    Im not biting shady’s style//just because I kinda rhyme wild
    great minds think alike bitch//go bike a mile
    On a cycle with no seat//then lemme see you smile
    and take shots at me

    rhyming at you queers//is just straight up retarded
    like tryin to steer a parked car that cant even be started
    yall make the same noise my ass makes//after I’ve farted
    when you fart tho//it sounds like a mad coach at practice
    all you hear is a whistle//cause you’re all full blown faggets

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    dude seriously....stop with the // shit looks wack...nice punches here and there and some nice concepts and multies but just kill it with those // shit man...also ugh your gonna need 2 links to have this stay open nice flow aswell simple and the content was nice...but yea...im nto a real feeder for this type of ish but nice drop dude!.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    thanks man. i appreciate it. about the whole 'link' thing, i have NO idea wtf ur talking bout...sorry?

  4. #4

  5. #5
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    ^^
    there ya go dude exactly kk keep writing!..
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  6. #6
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    "Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.

    I HAVE TO BE HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
    READ THE RULES.
    CLOSED.

    Reason: Feedback was far too vague in your links dude..
    I've left your other piece open because your new, but you
    need to start getting into more depth when you are leaving
    feedback. That way, you'll keep me happy, and most
    likely get the favour returned on your work!


    -Brix."
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

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