The Transition

[Mackin']

The Transition..

A reformation of a once.. era of damnation
a time of chaotic doings that only Lucifer could manage
at a time where it seemed that fate was leading us down a path..
to chaos and insanity
a great tranistion or twist occured as an ultraviolet ray
came from the sky above and restored the love..
.. that this beautiful planet once florished with

from Evil to Good

[Black House]

Deep, Bro.

[Mackin']

uppin..

[P. Mortuus]

Hmmm...this was a nice little piece but left me with a wierd feeling..why?...i don't know, maybe i just wanted to read more or have more to grasp on to. Though, the short few lines you writ were good and created many images in my mind i believe you should have carried on and made this a piece of a larger body of work. Furthermore, you should use more imagery as in, your description and metaphorical value could use a bump, lastly, i think that the vocab fitted in nicely wiwth this poem. Stay up^.

Also, can you check out my poem, "Things in Life", if you can.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309501

[Mackin']

yeah, thanks for the feed.. i really only write when im bored now.. so i was writin' it and i had to go somewhere so i just ended after a quick few lines

[Mackin']

uppin..

[Mackin']

=( feedback? anybody?

[Dyl]

Nice little number here.Short and sweet and sometimes thats all you need,especially for me as i'm about to hop off to bed Lol,but for real man this was deep and had some nice emtion.Havn't ever read anything from you so this has givin me a taste of what you can write.If I wasn't so god damn tired I would have liked to have read more,but this was nice and relaxing.Nice bro

-Dyl

["lil Neefy"]

I'll keep this short cause' I can.

This WOULD HAVE been good if it wasn't only like 8 lines long.. if you could stretch this into a couple stanzas and some give it more metaphorical meaning along as imagery, then this would have turned out wonderfully. Your length killed it though.

Keep writing.

Pz.