!!! Jamo's Out !!!

[ExPlOsIvE]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230970

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230975

Just another quick verse, lookin for ways to elevate.


Jamo’s walking the streets, ya beta hide ur kids,
Incase his face accidentally collides my fist,
Yeh I provide the hits that verticly divide your lips,
Listenin to the police guy sayin can u describe him miss,
You see im the shakespear of the 21st century,
Sentimentally writing with indentity relentlessly,
I pretend to pee on the wall purposly to get fined,
Act blind push my boundaries and bet fines,
If u look up mental well I guess im defined,
Im inclined to go clubbin jst to spike drinks,
Or put on 20 stones jst becoz I like tits,
And fight kids for not listening to what I write,
Lock up parents who stop em coz im not polite,
Drop the shite, so I can stop carryin Tylenol,
Everywhere coz the pressure keeps pillin on,
Im goin on planes just to fly to fall,
Land in your back garden and sayin hi to all.


Hope ya enjoyed, a bit random but feedback plz.

Peace

[ExPlOsIvE]

uppin

[chadillac]

Feedback from yourself counts! But uh, you are you're own worst enemy
It shouldn't matter what peeps think you might turn into them. That would be bad-no robots!!!!!!

[TheCrunkKing]

it needs to be crunker....just my opion, no diss

[ExPlOsIvE]

^^^^ dnt get u but thanks neway.

keep em comin

[TheCrunkKing]

i meant, More kruker, u know...like lil jon, needs to get more anger,more exited, krunker

[ExPlOsIvE]

o lol, he aint really my style but lil john is sick.

uppin

[ExPlOsIvE]

damn, u dnt get as much feed as u used to.

uppin

[The Vortex]

damn, u dnt get as much feed as u used to.

uppin

lol sure gets sleepy round here


i sure think this piece has sum good humour up in here

i'd say the flow or structure could be worked on a lil.. other than that just keep on working with what you got.. coz you got the hang of the internal rhymes and multies going on nice.. perhaps play with the font settings for text effect just maybe it'll look better on the board..

nice
keep at it yo

[ExPlOsIvE]

Thnx bro.

uppin

[ExPlOsIvE]

"Bumps"

[Sect]

Needs better vocab and rhymes. Couldn't really tell what you were writing about cus it went off topic alot. Not saying you should come all poetic and cryptic, cus thats only for some people, and lately people have been hating on that type of style. What I mean to say is if you come with more complexity, still comprehendable, but having the complex style, it would really complement your verses alot and help to elevate them a little. Overall eh ok, I've seen alot worse, just needs a couple things to make it more enjoyable.