Stupid Chicks

[Rave]

I know this looks borin but it isnt once you start readin it, thx


I hate every step you've ever taken,
god's sake, wont you just for once awaken?
Im right behind you, can't you see me trailin
yo every move so for once i wont see yu fakin,
n i'll know for real what yu've been actin n sayin
so indiscreetly right behind my back
so completely ignorin me like i was crap
bitch i considered myself as yo chap!
But now i know it was all a fuckin act
like, i never know where you ever at
n ill never let yu again near my lap.
N i know, it was all a big laugh_to you
but for me, it was a fucking tragedy!
I cried for nights n nights yu see,
n the days, i could barely fucking breathe!
People always comin up to me; askin me
"dawg yu aight? yu dont seem to be!
But have no worries homie
youll be back with her in a week, at least.
Dont stress out, believe me!"

N so i did, n i now got this painful way to live:
it consists on havin a major-fuckin dig
on a dirty-ass tramp that you hafta call a chick,
cos she so pretty that she makes yo dick lift.
But what spoils every fuckin bit of it
is that she dont give a flyin shit.
So that makes me an obsessional bastard
cos so many times before have i asked her
if shed be my girl, and shes always answered
that shed really prefere bein transfered
to another world than to hafta see me.

One of these days, she better stop bein her big shot
or else shell make me do sumtin that'll hurt alot,
not to me, but to her cos shell get shot
so shell fall to the ground in a parking lot
cos i had a fucking gun with me
and i decided she should never again feel hot,
shel always be cold, as the pain will strike with agony
feeling like a tightened knot
coordinating with the drop of degrees.
Baby you know i wudnt mind if youd just rot,
down in the ground, under some cornfield spot.

[Vortex]

Ehhhh, cant say I felt this too much. It was
pretty basic as a whole, nothing really amazing
- but you seem to have a grasp of the basics.
One thing I would suggest is multis, and perhaps
Some better imagery would help it along more? I
Dunno, just a suggestion. Also, id work on the
vocabulary a bit more – You kept it pretty basic and
that made it drag on and it got monotonous after a bit.

Work on that.

[Rave]

alright thx alot, that helps me out quite alot. yea i must say it isnt amazing and your right : quite basic. anyway thank you pussy eater..

[Vortex]

Hey, would you reply to my Open Mic? Thanks.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=228233

[ExPlOsIvE]

I liked this piece bro, it had a nice structure and was really easy to read. The rhymin was aight, but u need to wrk on ur multis and wrdplay a bit, actually wrdplay was pretty nice finkin bout it lol.
Neway nice drop bro

keep droppin
Peace

[Rave]

hey thanks man, i appreciate it. leave a thread n ill check yo pieces out

[~ladie_streetz~]

very long but it was very simple to me... the flow was okay and you had nice rhyme tho....... it was aight 7/10

[EyeBite]

not bad for yuo, i was a bit surprsied, no offense, but i thought the lines were gonna be not even or the lfow would be choppy of sumthin like dat but it was acuually pretty good, topic was iight, rhymes were good, multies would be cool here, nicee job,keep elvating and keep it up

[Rave]

none taken skribble, that just means that you saw some other pieces of mine that werent that great so that means my shit's impprovin, thats cool. and thx alot for the feed

[Ads]

this was whack man, first dont put your lyrics in color that just makes it dumb. second your flow was blah and meh, the imagiry was ok, and it wasnt on topic very well...just work and make more man, youll elevate.

good job.

[Rave]

good job, really? from your comments, it doesnt sound so good.
aight ill just write more then, and get the "blah and meh" flow outta me. thx for the feedback though, its always helps alot

[aznaffection]

it was aight, but too fukin long

[Rave]

long? man you can read it easily, it aint heavy fo shit