homeless

[wallace12]

why do i feel no joy only hurt and pain
why cant i proudly state my name
if it is true that life is only a game
where's the fun in being homeless in the rain
one day i will ask the lord if it was his will
for me to feel tired depressed stressed and ill
and as people walk by they look straight through
the tramp in the shelter whom is a person like you
for my mistakes i have paid the ultimate price
sacrificed my future to this nomad's life
what chance do i have to get back to normality
when for me sleeping rough is the only reality
no family or friends just me myself and i
you dont notice me when i'm alive so what when i die
will anyone miss that poor homeless guy
i was told to have no fear and live life fast
cos like vannila ice's career it might not last
but on reflection look where it's got me
on the doorway of starbucks begging for a coffe
it's far too obvious when i look back
that it wasn't dope to start blazing crack
if i had listened and worked hard at school
i could have a big house and car wouldn't that be cool

[CrazyCarl]

The verse fell off at the end for me, with lines that are questionable to fitting to the character. You're trying to get the sadness off from the homeless man, but you have him busting on Vanilla Ice. I'm also not sure if he would be begging for a coffee, money is more probable. Also the last line, he wishes for a big house and car, but to stress the point that he was really down and out, you should have focused on that he'll settle for anything better.
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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205750

[..::~BIGWUN~::..]

That was pretty descriptive, and captures a real life homeless person. That's a pretty tight rap about struggle. So I liked it. Some more true was bout working hard and going to school. More positive, more positive. That's what people need to here.

Bad: making fun of Vanilla Ice is used by everyone. Try to keep it original. Leave that nigga alone.

[Foreshadow]

The emotion and heartache in this is obvious and I know that was the strong point of this piece.. I didnt connect with this because I havent been in the situation before.. But keep writing and elevating..

[Dan Dare]

You need to post two links, to two OMs you left decent feedback on, or this gets closed, thanks.