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Thread: Current Day Struggle

  1. July 5th, 2005, 07:20 AM #1
    ILLunatic
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    Current Day Struggle

    Life is a mess, the stress is unerring
    No sense of happiness my life is sharing
    The ones closest to me are sick, lives fading away
    And everyday, for them we're praying to stay
    Praying for a way for the sadness to end
    When another life passes, it'll be madness again
    But until that happens again, we shall enjoy the presence
    Enjoy the time we have, because the time is of the essence
    Ask no questions, we're looking positive while death is near
    As we test our fears, we reminisce the years
    Every second together we had, we'll forever live it
    But with another loved one gone, we'll forever miss it
    You may pass physically, but you'll remain in heart
    Because physically or spiritually, we'll never be apart
    For everyone I love whom goes, I pleed
    "You'll forever be loved, and in our memories"


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  2. July 5th, 2005, 07:20 AM #2
    ILLunatic
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    First text piece in a long time...

    Anyways, i'll edit this with links soon.


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  3. July 5th, 2005, 07:22 AM #3
    Cels
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    This was cool. Short, but cool.

    Real deep and emotional. Could really get the sense of how you were feeling. Some nice lines.

    Praying for a way for the sadness to end
    When another life passes, it'll be madness again

    loved that, was nicely written.. along with the whole piece

    keep it up
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  4. July 5th, 2005, 07:22 AM #4
    ILLunatic
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    Thanks cel, and boo at your sig.


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  5. July 5th, 2005, 07:30 AM #5
    Swift Death
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    simple words... but im more of a poetic man myself... not bad peice at all... could use a little more depth but that's because it was short... which is always nice... i don't like having my eyes bleeding by the end... nice work here ILL.... now let me in God's Gift...
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  6. July 5th, 2005, 09:26 AM #6
    ILLunatic
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    Lookin for some more feedback...


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  7. July 5th, 2005, 09:37 AM #7
    Facts Machine
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    Presented well and the wording was alright.
    The rhymescheme could of been better, but this seems like something dope for an audio. The concept was cool, but there was really nothing that stood out to me here, maybe because it was short or maybe the vocabulary was simple at some points. I felt like you could of thrown in metaphors and brung the piece to life as in keeping the reader interested and wondering about it. I felt the emotion a lot, but that's probably because of the choice of words and how you used them. I've seen much better from you and this piece seemed like a warm up for something 10x doper coming later on to open mic from you... but that's just what I think.
    Keep at it, word.

    Yeah, feed-back, please.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=207587
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  8. July 5th, 2005, 11:12 AM #8
    Edicius
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    immagery? ..
    a concept that has been used 134132 times
    short..

    didnt feel it
    keep it up though

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  9. July 5th, 2005, 12:23 PM #9
    nolonger
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    way to short...written nicely tho
    felt your old style suited you better
    but it wasnt bad..nice vocab and
    nice topic seen it before but was done
    well just need to be mopre complex and longer.

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  10. July 5th, 2005, 04:30 PM #10
    Foreshadow
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    It was pretty short but we dont want you to pull everything out at once.. But I liked the concept of this piece.. The flow was consistent and the emotion was strong.. I was really feeling this I hope you keep droppin..
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  11. July 5th, 2005, 04:58 PM #11
    Nick James...
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    I felt alot of lines were real. They spoke nothing but the truth, and in those lines...I have never seen so much emotion. I can tell U did this piece in a very short amount of time, because a few lines seemed forced, and even with it being rushed...still pretty dope. The rhyme scheme seemed a little basic, but that might just be because of the short length in the lines. Overall...very deep piece.

    8.5/10
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  12. July 5th, 2005, 05:40 PM #12
    HighClass
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    I liked it, there aint shit wrong with writing something just to get some things off your chest... And since I have been reading your rhymes for about 2 years + now... I see thats what your probably did with this one, as you would know with mine. I liked it, not much more to say than that ILL, lol... I hope things get easier for you and whoever


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    SEE THINGS THROUGH MY EYES... SEE THROUGH MY LYRICS

    My Open Mics

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    SS LEAGUE

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    ~High Class... Back???~
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