Democracy of Puppets

[Omni]

some shit i'm workin on...this is just the first verse and the hook....when i'm done with the rest i'll post it up..not something bush supporters would want to read.


(verse 1)
I'm not a drug user, but i'll snort the lines at a free clinics/
Convicts search for fresh starts while i quest for a fresh finish/
See my grimace, its the face of a man passed his limits/
dwelling on what lies ahead and the events of past minutes/
The bullshit is some puppets came to a possition of authority/
Normaly i would bow my head and acknowledge their power formally/
But this time i got to say mother fuck their ideoligy/
Fight a war to save some lives, thats assbackwards psychology/
Things change but people don't so expect zero improvement/
Heroes fell or switched sides,ending the revolutionary movement/
should i persist or back away, i have yet to consider/
Regaurdless i'll regret as i age growing tired and bitter/
Fuck a nation divided, and fuck fox news for tyin to hide it/
fighting ourselves, no survivors after the breaking point of all the violence/
I'm not anti- Bush, i'm anti-people who elected him/
just cuz he qoutes scripture from a defective testament/

(hook)
This is a democracy of puppets, and authorative figures love it/
"fool one, and he'll fool two" thats how you mannipulate the public/
Jus claim its to spread democracy so your plan doesn't spoil/
and negate the truth that its all for oil wainting under the soil/

(Verse 2)
The last race was won cuz of key christians question of morality/
Apparently these fuckin puppets chose to test the soldiers mortality/
Save a baby doomed to suffer, cuz its mother is a homeless juvenile/
While executing the innocent inhabbitance of suspected terrorist domicile/
Churches were in on it the wall between faith and state thins/
Ministers pulling their strings, with a fucking devilish grin/
Its grim, they've been fooled to be pawns in the criminal plot/
Rumors of a life long term for bush in office almost ready to drop/
And they blindly support it, let their rights get aborted/
Half the nation is insane, is what exit poles reported/
They still believe the Taliban was behind the 9-11 attack/
When pilots where Saudi Arabians,media jumbled the facts/
Claiming controled chaos in Iraq,but all that nonsence is drillin me/
Next political conventions, i'll go on a rampage and killin spree
Republican, Democrat, and the pussy Green-Party affiliates/
Selfish motives behind them all,fuck the rest and stay inconsiderate/
Outcomes the same regaurdless of holds the puppets rope/
fuck with debt,stuck breathing in loads of chemical smoke/

(hook)
This is a democracy of puppets, and authorative figures love it/
"fool one, and he'll fool two" thats how you mannipulate the public/
Jus claim its to spread democracy so your plan doesn't spoil/
and negate the truth that its all for oil wainting under the soil/

links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...277post2660277

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...337post2660337

[Omni]

uppin this...

[MakeShyft]

I read this earlyer but didnt get thru to leavin feed. i liked it, there was almost a negative vibe to it, if its for an audio, then chek out the help desk ... but if its just for text, then the structure is alright. The message was clear, an It seemed you knew waht you were talking about, try not to stretch lines, try to kep lines equal, or somewhat .. with equal sylables .. I liked the vocab u were using, its just taht some of it felt forced.. like that was the only rhyming word you cud think of so you had to use it..
Overall. decent

I dont give marks but 6/10

Keep it up, Pz.

[Omni]

thanks for tha feed uppin this

[Omni]

way its supposed to work out is...
verse one- what i'm against
verse two-dirrect attack on the "puppets"
verse three-ending the conflict..

i'm trying to give this a new structure,

[The Vortex]

assbackwards psychology...lmao. thats dope

i like the agressive flow...

and ending it with-
just cuz he qoutes scripture from a defective testament/
was kinda hot

first two lines of the hook was good.

maybe add a little punctuation if you care to

But this time i got to say "mother fuck their ideoligy"


looking out for 2nd verse

[The Franchi$e]

i liked it. there was a kinda dark feel to it but not all works will be happy so its cool in that. i think it would be cool as an audio

See my grimace, its the face of a man passed his limits/
dwelling on what lies ahead and the events of past minutes/
But this time i got to say mother fuck their ideoligy/
Fight a war to save some lives, thats assbackwards psychology/

^ my favorite lines. good message and the vocabulay is good as well. i could see this as a poem as well but would work equally as a rap as you probably intended it to be. i thought it was off topic till you broke it down so its overall a good drop to me, im sure the next veres wil be good as this one was if not better

[CrazyCarl]

Would have liked to have seen more emphasis put on the concept of the puppets. With focus on that, it would be easier to set your piece apart from other Bush verses done before. You started off with nice outer multis and also had a bit of an internal scheme, so the rhyming was solid. Vocab was good. I liked how the piece started off, but the closing couplet didn't feel like an ending to the verse with how it was worded. I know you're adding more verses, but I just mean ending this part.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205750

[Omni]

thanks fo tha feed...uppin

[Omni]

uppin this