Sacred Scriptures Finals: SpokenOragami vs. Bounce

[Thrust]

Sacred Scriptures Finals

congrats, nice job of both of you getting to the finals.
agree on a topic, or do seperate topics. just work it out between the two of you.

Topic Choices:
Weathering Away
Through the Blind
Sensation
Friction

Due Thursday midnight.

Good Luck

[spokenoh]

Is that "Weathering Away" supposed to be "Withering Away" ?

Anyways, you can choose Bounce.

[Bounce]

If you want a decent finals round, both spoken and myself will need extra time to drop. He is busy this week, and I have other responsibilites, both personel and work related.

I should be able to drop by midnight saturday, I already informed Spoken and he is cool with it, and also needs more time.

Sorry guy's but it's an extension or a less than stellar finals.

[spokenoh]

Word. I am writing on Withering Away anyways. Good luck.

[Cels]

Saturday Sounds Fine, I would've given you a week myself, but Kerr made the match

[Thrust]

i did give them a week lol.

5 days. - Cel

[spokenoh]

Time’ll let the rose decay
Fabrics will eventually break at the seams
Vibrant colours will all fade
As I lose tomorrow for the sake of my dreams

The lakes and the seas dry into God’s potholes
Grottos of evaporated life and it’s my motto-
To be thoughtful, and leave concrete realism on the sidewalk
As futility processes humanity into famined livestock
And I’ve got - two reasons for believing in nothing
And those two are too personal so I will just say something
And something
But all introspect aside, planting weeds, seeds, or greed
Only results in the same ugly bouquet for the “she”
That reeds into April’s flowers blooming in May’s date
See? Now our identity is free knowing even God procrastinates
Looking past the fate of you as an individual
The worries you create are indeed just so minuscule
But that is exactly why you ignore and bore the puppet
Because your conscientus needs feed the public
So what? So fuck it - throw salt in tomorrow’s eyes
As the bitch grimaces just like the chick in your porno cries
But she will get off her knees just as the Christian will
When the homeless man hangs himself, tossing his life
In a wishing well
Pissing swells, STIs will be the true apocolypse, the last angel
Both them and heroine fiends looking at piss-coloured rainbows
Chained to the ankle, I’m the quiet, ugly kid with the funny hair
No cares, ‘cause that teacher you harass has only an ugly stare
And nothing else, I’m over the hill with no job but a masters
I wish I could go back in time to HighSchool
To sue those lying bastards!
The little girl who cries at sleep with shared secrets
Between her father is just a statistic - a psychology thesis
Who will grow up sown up in past, future, present
Trapped in a money crisis advises against any future tenants
Wrapped in their last minutes, seniors will quietly pass sleep
As plastic surgeons are emerging to duplicate asscheeks
Fast beats, slow rhymes - rhythm in vision of the treble clef
He got his demo around, and at first chance - the devil leapt
Now he’s kept in a position of power for the industry
Not hardcore enough for the underground and the mainstream if finicky
God’s men slain in vain overseas in ministry forgotten
The only apple that fell close to the tree was rotten
Throbbin’ in tears, lost in the years of a bad acid trip
Sunken eyes die into the remnants of a white casket lift
And Cobain - can you actually hear my last guitar riffs?
My heart only worsens when how perverted music gets
Now she left, in a cloud of regret with no second chance
And friends have to bitch about my depression and rants
Romance is dead, so is HipHop, so is this pretty pink rose
And I think you finally get the pictures to where this
shitty ink goes.

Love your life, you are God, your work is your alter
Because no one speaks to passion as a private caller
This last line is for every snake that is slithering away
And for the charred tree trunks of Sarabia
Withering away. . .

“I’m worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end” - Kurt Cobain

[Bounce]

Death of a Melody: Withering Away


…A draft creeps in a gelid reminder there’s still life in my skin
Within these soiled garments a gravely thin vessel awaits death
Breath is assisted by the tubes inserted deep into my frail chest
Pale vest of an open ended type signify this as my final fight
Blight stricken like flora removed of sunlight, locomotion halted
Assaulted by the infested, faulted due to my style of dress…

…Guess the commotion led to the notion flesh is free to despoil
Castor oil couldn’t blanket the residual taste of his tainted loins
Des Moines regional hospital’s where my painted smile lies in wait
Hate fuels the fire that burns within, as I cling to life on machines
Routines fill my days as acquired deficiencies pulse thru my veins
Remains of family tragically bound huddle around in prayer…

…Unaware of my fate, it’s been four years & six months to the date
Late September 01.………, I remember the cold feel of his gun
One pressed to my breast, the other penetrating my virgin flesh
Threshing about while suppressing my shouts, he laid his tainted seed
Deed completed the monster retreated, but the rape was unfinished
Diminished by a defeated immune system, my life conceded…

…Unheeded went my fathers pleas for me to watch who I see
Three months ago he was convicted of killing what’s killing me
Plea bargains and legal jargon bought him a life behind bars
Scars from a premeditated murder plague the face of my fam
Damn, the man who gave me life now rots in a regulated tomb
Consumed by events past doomed by the mass of a 16 year olds ass…

…Alas I embrace my final moments of life, I’m now twenty
Plenty of tears have spilled from this sunken face while nurses race
With haste to resuscitate another victim withering away
Today the serpents’ seed slithers within smothering my last breath
Death greets me as the machines go into a frantic state of beeping
Weeping images of my mother carry me from this world to the next…

In retrospect I’ve been blessed to know a life so vexed…………...........
………......…....…..Because in life’s final act you best be ready for rest

-Now a father sits withering away, removed of his daughter
The music he once made now sings in a sour tune of decay
Dismay plagues the sub harmonics of his pathetic display
Base lines once defined his melodic state of mind, in time
He’ll find his quest 4 self preservation thru lyrical representation
Falls on a flat note, the cut throat reality of life hollows it’s host
A ghost in the shell of man shakes his fist at heaven while stressing
“YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER, NOW THE MUSIC IS DEAFENING!!!”-




-Bounce

[Andrew..]

WIll Edit with vote in a few..


This was dumb and don't ever do it again. Don't ever post in a champ match saying you're going to vote in a few. Then, you don't even vote period.

[spokenoh]

I won't be around to see if I win, but good luck Bounce.

[spokenoh]

Uh, up.

[Center Sight]

this was a kool battle.. hate to be the first to vote but seeing as the shits been up for 2 days and no ones voted allow me.. Bounce.. your verse was very deep man.. had to read some lines twice to catch the idea.. but the thing is, and i hate to have to dock points for this.. but this still is a rapsite, i mean the shits gotta rhyme fluently if you expect people to be able to carry your story thoroughly through their mind as they read and try to picture what it is your saying.. end a bar with one word, then starting the next bar off with that rhyme but switching it again at the end of the 2nd bar, that shit threw me off man.. like i said your shit was very deep.. but all things in consideration i really dislike the way you structured your verse.. it took away from the fluency.. spoken, i felt your verse mostly, had a few ups and downs, but i like the way you worded the ups.. lines such as..
God’s men slain in vain overseas in ministry forgotten
The only apple that fell close to the tree was rotten
Throbbin’ in tears, lost in the years of a bad acid trip
Sunken eyes die into the remnants of a white casket lift
it was lines like these that really gave you the edge.. had bounce had his bars flowing evenly it woulda still been close..i just feel like spoken was more to the point with it.. bounce's verse was deep, and i understood it, i felt like he occasionally danced around what he wanted to say, rather than saying it.. you both hit the topic head on.. what it comes down to is entertainment purposes and efficiency.. i feel spokens verse appealed to me more.. so... hate to have to pick a winner but, vote=spoken
nice battle

Thanks for taking the time to vote, but this is a champs match. If you aren't a reconized topical head who has made a name for himself, or were in this season, your vote won't count - Cel

[spokenoh]

Thanks for voting. Sublime was supposed to drop a vote too.

[Facts Machine]

SpokenOragami:

Bads:
Just the structure and sometimes you said stuff that made me bored, but barely.

Goods:
Flow was good even tho presentation wasn't well displayed. Kurt Cobain quoting was dope and the intro was as well. I can relate to your peice most parts. Vocab was understandable and not too mind boggling. You used the topic creatively and didn't come typical. You gave out good points in a way and sort of had morals to the peice.
This verse had a lot of emotion and it made me feel as if u were tearing as u wrote it with anger.

Bounce:

Bads:
Your style of writing was unusual and u didn't rhyme at the end of the lines, which i felt was annoying. You used stanzas and just made it seem like it was straight up poetry with no Hip-Hop mentality in it.

Goods:
Vocab was complex and you came very creative. Storyline was pretty good. I felt the emotion in it but it wasn't as much emotion as Spoken's peice.

Conclusion:
As you can see above, i think this one went to SpokenOragami. I felt like he was more consistent on this and put more effort.

Vote/ SpokenOragami.

Since i took the time on this vote, please check out the poetry battles section and give an honest vote on my battle vs Martyr, cuz that forum is dead.

Peace.

Edit: to the guy below me, I just prefer it when it's more of a hip-hop style than when it's closer to a poetry style. So my vote remains the same.


Thanks for taking the time to vote, but this is a champs match. If you aren't a reconized topical head who has made a name for himself, or were in this season, your vote won't count - Cel

[Sublime D]

ok....i edit this with a vote once..now i edit again....

i didn't fully grasp luke's metaphorical depth......

something about this was bothering me...

i kept re reading and not coming up with a clear

decision...Bounce's seemed familiar....

he writes liek this all the time...and when i think

about it...this was a good verse, but not great from him

it was clean, concise, and well stated...but...

it lacked a certain feeling of emotion...it seemed....

sterile...well...not that emotionless...not at all...

but...it definitely lacked behind luke's in that effect...

something abotu luke's verse conveyed a planned rawness...

it was special...an a very very good verse from him....

he stepped up for this....i read his verse too topically before...

when i let my mind drift and explore the deeper meanings...

i think luke edged this...i mean, bounce's verse had layers....

but i think luke's verse was a little more special....

bleh@ battling though...i like both poems, and ranking seems....

irrelevant and very inprecise...neither poem is better

than the other...but for the sake of the league...

vote = spokenorigami