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Thread: Havent posted in aaaaaaages...rate this

  1. #1

    Havent posted in aaaaaaages...rate this

    ay whats doin'? I dont think I been here in like over a year. So I would appreciate any crit. Thanks

    U Dont Want It

    i keep it cool, its part of my heritage/
    but dont think im never pissed, retaliate like a terrorist
    im not a muslim, if anything, ima hoodlum/
    but i try remain good when anger is producin'
    i keep it bottled up and never have a bottle shut/
    my blood is bubbled up, alcohol is all i got
    so eventually my anger will venture me/
    try express is mentally and only let my pencil speak
    cos when i lose it, everythin is gone, im empty/
    dont tempt me, happiness is denied of an entry
    its a part of me no one sees like money from the lottery/
    violence aint the image depicted in my photography
    a picture tells a thousand words, but thats absurb/
    cos when my actions do occur they're loud and heard.
    when i liberate it im not tolerated cos they saw me naked/
    they saw the real me and how i really demonstrate it
    but they're understanding the actions of lose cannon/
    cos you always see them feed their anger while im in famine
    nah fuck that, im fasting, deny temptation/
    wont let my temper get the best of me in situations
    a declaration of peace cos that is what i strive for/
    but find myself wondering what i'm alive for
    it seems my destiny was never to rest in peace/
    expecting me to fight til the death of me
    just let me be, i never wana raise my fist/
    im outraged and pissed but i praise to chris
    for my salvation, just gota be patient/
    but human nature tells me different and it is ancient
    every story is filled with blood, guts, its gory/
    and through it all comes only man's glory
    there's nothing it can do for me except make me weaker/
    i wouldnt put up a fight even against the Reaper
    theres no more war in me, its pathetic/
    gaining from another man's suffering, I dont get it
    Come at me, just get it over and done with/
    i dont care, i wont call the boys that i run with
    thats dumb shit, vengeance comes with two graves/
    so no matter what i'll lose anyway
    Im not a coward, i wont run away senseless/
    no matter how hard my fist tenses, stand defenceless
    you cant take nothing from me, i let you have it/
    still not happy? take another stab it
    i dont need to prove shit to anyone like many done/
    Im no tough guy my pride wont lemme run
    why i adopt my enemies strageties when his mad at me/
    whats a little blood and misplaced cavities
    I'll live, never fight for my own cause/
    but if it's my bro's wars...
    I'm quick to flip just like an acrobatic/
    hitting even girls like they're crack ho addicts
    back for static, i bleed when my brother bleed/
    all related cos its the same color. See?
    Only time i react and come back with combat/
    but for now ima keep this on rap, where this songs at
    You want me to express my anger? No comment/
    me being mad, trust me, you dont want it

  2. #2
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    philly
    Age
    41
    Posts
    24
    i keep it bottled up and never have a bottle shut/---this is a sick line.
    try express is mentally and only let my pencil speak----another nice line

    This was pretty good, I like the concept. The beginning was real good then it seemed to lose a little focus.

  3. #3
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    j-ville florida
    Age
    43
    Posts
    5,352
    Battle Record
    7-14
    Ur Ideas Twisted Sperradicly Thats A Fault And A Plus U Stade On No Subject But Adressed A Couple....wordplay Was Very Strong Even Taking Words Out Of Context So Thats A Plus You Did A Nice Peace Here Just Elivate A Full Delivery Not Slope
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  4. #4
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Stamford Ct
    Posts
    30
    Hm, Shit had me alittle confused ....it started out hott, and then half way through turned into ... a loss of intrest maybe? but not bad ...keep doing you
    "Ignorant people are the bane of my existance" -myself

  5. #5
    ay thanks for all the crit, muich appreciated. Yeh I started writing it and than I finished like half of bit by bit so I could record it.
    Anyone else wana offer some constructive criticism???

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