Foolish

[rule]

I'm a careful person..
Watching out for those who are hurting
Disturbing my soul..
My inner spirit is losing all of its control
From state to state..
Empty to filled but still greeting mistakes
The people around me..
Seem to tie me in ropes of thoughts daily
Estimating my mind as little..
Creating my days as a non sencable riddle
Confusing my heart..
Mind & self letting everything depart
Because i'm lost &..
I don't think people actually understand
The true pain..
I go through when i'm spoken in vein....

..Angels see in the wrong direction..
..Hence why I have no protection..
..I'll let your bullets spill my blood..
..For one day I will be considered loved..

..But as of now..

I'm growing up leaving the stress behind
Nobody getting in my conscious or mind
Use to, and I slipped tricked me into things
Had me belieiving I was a fleshful ghost with no wings
Breathing with a skipped heartbeart & you..
Still couldn't do half the things i use to..
Yet I wasn't the angel you had the wings?
You fucking puppets walking around with strings
Propaganda sucking you up like saterday nights
Propably the reason why you picked those fights
I didn't fight back cause two wrongs don't make a right
Mike just wasn't the type to declare public altercations
Or put myself into those useless situations
But people poked fun and stated other wise
Kept riding my dick..but said I was into guys
Life...
I just don't get it
..or how a kid in the shadows lives to regret it
Wishing about what death is or what happens next
Because people would through his shit down the hallway steps
Losing focus on the future only loving to sleep
Praying one day I don't walk up from counting sheep
But now i'm walking away it's time to swim out'a this puddle
Put together the stars amazing life puzzle
You were foolish..rule wasn't the type to slice you from ear to ear
But I helped paint the picture when the picture wasn't clear
So fuck it....
I'll decompose of this pain shit..never to talk about it again
Cause the good lord knows..one of us has to grow into men..



This is just something quick because I haven't wrote in awhile...but something i think i can fix and make better it's just a rough draft...i'll be fixinbg the sylable count...and the way it's structured...with metas and more simnilies. So if you enjoyed it as this...cool and keep a look out next week for tthe redone part with critique,,,any suggestiond would be great...thanks.

[Thrust]

you started off ok, just getting your point across and getting me into your vibe of the topic, very like many of my writings, the direction you took it atleast...

ok...when you started that 2nd verse...i really liked you, you let the emotions flow and spilt it all out there, i felt it rule, was really catchy, not trying to be overusued w/ the vocab just strait up to the point you're portraying

capped it off well too

Cause the good lord knows..one of us has to grow into men..

^strait forward there... i loved that..

i'd suggest maybe some work on the 1st verse, maybe some with the 2nd but the 2nd verse was your strongest