*Names' Not Important*

Feeble
Like the golden needle
Older then the air we breathe
Redder then the blood we need
I dont know how but I lived through
The destruction of humanity with you
And now we sit here far asleep
Digging down in, digging deep
Now we die, past away
Now I prey
Feeble

Loved
Like gods' children
One of over a billion
I climb his loved list high
Like a fallen angel returning to the sky
Yet now I fall back to earth
Back to jesus' birth
And I die down
To the ground
Loved

Gone
Like the dinasours
Like the albino whores
I lived my life, now I share it
Share life with someone that deserves it
I've wrecked my chance to be here
So much I fear, so much tears
And now I sit here, a life gone wrong
I died again, now I'm gone
Died into the atmosphere
Cried out no tear
Gone

Dude. . .

This blew me away. It was an average piece, but the piece wasn't important. It was the effort you've given to entertain the writer and become abstract yet reasonable. This was a whole hearted piece from you, and this is what you call hard work from someone that's been trying to elevate from day one. The flow was the only thing that I asked you to work on and the flow was smooth as butter in here. There were a few little bumps but nothing major. If there were like a Junior HoF or something this would be the ideal piece for other pieces to go in here. Overall, I don't know if you worked hard on this or just got lucky but this was actually dope coming from you. Good job and good read.

I dont think it was luck or hard work homie, I read 4 peices before making this.

You're collab with witness
Winter is Just by Heychoo
Me and Cries Colab
And A Atticus peices..

And for some reason I came up with this out of the images I felt by readin those peices. Thanx for the feedback dude,upps

upps.

Yeah that flow is pretty smooth. Plus the wordplay was pretty good in this also. I forget what the name of the style you wrote in is called, I used it once a long time ago. I'd work on having a little more description and visualization for the reader and maybe read MacBeth by Shakespeare or something.

Thankyou.

upps.

Closed.