goodBYE

im not looking for feedback really...just needed to get some shit off my chest and out of my head

not sure how to start it, but lemme do my best to tell ya,
13 days drained and depleted since the day that you left us,
you ate healthy, excersiced, and thats how you kept it,
i still don't believe it, the medical report seems deceptive.

cried out in convulsions with cholerical curses,
this isn't a flow or a cypher, it's unbearable verses,
like blood seeping thru from virgens' battered purses,
just another death from coronary athero-sclerosis.

blocked blood-lines, through time, how could we have missed it?
wish it was visibly seen like a kid who's autistic,
irrepresible anger, inside i was going ballistic,
to me a father and family, to them a body, statistic.

your still alive, contacting me in my nightmares and dreams,
broken times, twisted lines, just typing makes me wan scream,
i'll never hear your roaring laugh, or see your smile that beams,
Dear God ive fucked up alot, but this is too damn extreme.

You've worked your whole life for us, your rest is overdue
I just wish i could have said bye before you were through
i think of you daily like the top ten vids on yahoo,
Yo it's Unpredictable When Your Gone, we have to Be Without You

im now the man of the family, the head of the house,
taking over your business that i know nothing about,
leaving your kids without father, your wife without spouse,
i howl from the depths of my lungs, till i bleed out my mouth.

But its ok dad, im taking care of my sisters and mother,
ill be a good son, a loving big brother,
just give us the strength to take care of each other,
especially to mom, give signs that you love her.

thanks for being there for me, through these twenty some years,
through laughter, and anger, and plenty of tears,
your in a better place now, that youve reached the final frontier
always in our hearts, you'll never disappear


R.I.P. Dad

July 27,1961 - January 13, 2006













http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...62#post3864362
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...86#post3864286

this was deep flow was on point emmotion on point delivery was simple but accurate. i feel this i give the thumbs up

wow this was a great read to be perfectly honest, even though you said you didnt care about feed im gonna leave feed because i feel that i have to just because it was such a good read. ok heres the good points of this peice, your vocabulary was right on target not too much not too little it was just enough to personnafy the way you felt and get the point across, i seen alot of emotion which is a plus it shows that you put actual time and effort and thoughts and real feeling into this also your structer was pretty good as well. heres a few downfalls in this peice youve shared with us, you had a few typos and and some of the flow didnt go good with the rest of the flow the main line of the whole thing that i felt didnt really go is when you said "i think of you daily like the top ten vids on yahoo" i see the first part of that line going good with the flow but the top ten video's on yahoo i felt didnt really belong but other than that it was good i give you alot of respect for this peice because you expressed the way you felt and dint come with alot of garbage like most people would have. nice job with this peice and even though i dont really know who you are or your father i'm sorry that he passed away, but god must have felt it was his time to go, and who knows something good could come of this like you'll really apreicate what god's given you but again im sorry he passed and keep up the good work this was a pleasure to read

eh thanks for the feedback even though im not really expecting it....thanks anyways

that was dopeness.
str8 flow
str8 vocab

9/10

Quote:

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Originally Posted by $ammy $outh$ide

that was dopeness.
str8 flow
str8 vocab

9/10

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if your gonna leave feed at least put time into it because the feed you left was shitty and it looks like your just commenting to get your posts up

Drop was gd shit
Flow not bad
Structure improvin
Rhymth kk
keep@it

don't leave me your shitty ass comments to get you post up you degenerate fucks.....id rather have no comments then some shitty feed that took 2 seconds to write.....next person that writes some stupid ass shit like KONGOL and SAMMY SOUTHSIDE fucken slit your own wrists and hang yourself....not neccesarily in that order

sammy says that same stuff in all of his posts just about lol...

anywayz..yo diss was pretty good ..i was feelin da flow and strucutre..good rhymes..aight multies./...not good vocab or imagery..topic was pretty cool...
just elevate on tha vocab and imagery and maybe use multies....overall this was pretty descent/ pretty good....peace

Good bye this was only the world but have many meanings on it that was all compulsory to know they are use in many terms of life. So I decided to learn all about them so I register on easy-essay.org this was the company that work in this city since long and they arranged online learning classes also.

It flowed so well it was more like reading a story then poetry - so your rhyme scheme had to be on point. As far as subject - too sad and something I wouldn't ever want to face. I look forward to reading more.

This goodbye is a beautifully formed structure in form of a song or a poem. You can also read more @coolbullsas and game simulator.

hole ioAlways feeling something bigger something real wild (real wild)
Keep on shining, make it brighter than a spotlight (spotlight).